Category Archives: Trying to Survive

Sep11

Activist Community Potluck

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Activist Community Potluck

5-8pm, Sunday September 19th
Malvern Hills Park
Asheville, NC

This is the first of many monthly potlucks, each on a different topic, and each in a different location. All activists, community builders and leaders, and any community members are welcome. This is a great opportunity to get together, build relationships, network, share ideas, brainstorm, and synergize.

This month’s topic is Food Security, a very hot topic these days. If catastrophe strikes, will Asheville have enough food? …What would it take to create a food security plan for 2011? How can we network and work together so that everyone will have enough to eat if, for example, we can no longer ship food into our city?

The majority of our time together will be spent having conversations amongst ourselves, and getting to know one another. However, we will circle up to do introductions and also do have a brief brainstorming session to get the juices flowing. We hope that the conversations of the evening will lead to future alliances, and plant seeds for future work between individuals and groups in the community.

Sep3

Meeting the Trickster, Part 3 (Oh, yeah, and I’m an Earth Healer)

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Meeting the Trickster, Part 3 (Oh, yeah, and I’m an Earth Healer)

Don’t think I’ve mentioned this here before, but I’m an Earth Healer. I have the capacity to energetically connect with the land below me, talk to it, and heal it. In the process, I also heal myself and open myself up to a whole new dimension of existence. Sounds pretty cool, huh? You’d think I’d do it all the time, then, huh? You’d sure think.

For some reason, this is something I’ve only done a few times but have always been able to do with little difficulty. With the money concerns I’ve been having lately (money, food, shelter and physical well-being are all Earth energy), I decided to do my thing. I also decided that I want to do this more often, for my own well-being but also because with everything we humans are doing the Earth right now, she can use our good vibes!

So, when Joy fell asleep for her nap, I went and sat on the back deck and meditated. The trick to doing this work is to get to the smallest core of myself, to become that tiny area of energy. Then, I acknowledge that everything in the Universe is reflected in that tiny spot. Suddenly, I can feel all of everything inside of me, including and especially the land within a quarter mile or so. At this point, I just offer my presence, I don’t try to fix or actively do anything. Awareness in itself is healing, so I offer my awareness, and I let myself flow through any resistence I feel either from myself or from the energy of the land (and some land is carrying some nasty energy from bad things people have done). I just stay in connection and I let it flow, and that’s how the work is done. It’s always really powerful, so as I said, I’m not sure why I don’t do it more. Maybe because it’s so mind blowing!!!

Anyway, even though this meditation was to address Earth and Money issues (which I did feel a lot of shifting on), the most prominent event of the meditation was that my inner Trickster awakened! Suddenly, I was a Trickster Goddess, and my work was about creating the element of surprise to crack the veils of routine perceptions, while simultaneously holding compassionate awareness.

I realized next that my Trickster has been hidden in shadow for years! I must have felt scared of this energy within me, and buried it, but of course, burying anything brings out the worst in it. And, from it’s shadow position, my Trickster was still playing tricks, but not good kinds. I think this is where lots of my financial self-destructiveness comes from, from my desire to break open the artificial world for light to shine in. That desire by itself is beautiful, but when reviled, it turns ugly too. It’s still not “evil” but in its desire to be free, I repeat the same negative patterns that will jar me over and over enough until I am tired of the strain, and look at it (which I have been doing, and which leads me to this point).

So, I have not yet fully embodied my Trickster Goddess self, partly because it is such an intense energy shift. I have moments, though, where I am fully her, I am fully me and I am filled with playful, creative, ingenious and surprising ideas for how to make my life work, how to make money, how to relate better in the world, and how to create some cracks in the dysfunctional shared reality. Embodying this energy feels amazing, and I feel like it’s just the beginning!

Sep1

Meeting the Trickster, Part 1

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Meeting the Trickster, Part 1

So, the trickster visited me a couple weeks ago, which was during a monkey wave, naturally. : )

BTW… I follow this great calendar called the Keeping Time Calendar. I’ve mentioned it on this blog before, and basically it is a calendar that blends Western Astrology with modern archetypes and the Mayan time cycle, called the tzol-kin. I’ve been using it for a couple years now, and it’s amazingly spot on. Actually, a great way to learn more would be to check out my Interview with Stargazer Li.

Anyway… waves last 13 days, and this happened to be a monkey wave. Monkeys represent the playful trickster, and I certainly have been having a trickster adventure!

So, this was a Thursday evening. I was moving, was supposed to get the keys on Wednesday, and had to be out of the old apartment by Monday (or the Sheriff would come, blah). So, I picked up keys on Wednesday, but they were the wrong keys. Not only that, but at that same time, my van wouldn’t go into reverse so I ended up being temporarily stranded! Then, on Thursday, I swung by the landlord’s office to get the right keys (they knew I was coming) and they had left early for the day! I hadn’t been able to make it there sooner because of stranded vehicle situation, and as a result, I missed out on day 2 of the moving days I thought I was going to have! So, this left me with Friday and Sunday because Saturday I had a big all-day event I was co-hosting.

All day Wednesday and Thursday, I had tried to contain myself, and stay calm and centered. But, Thursday evening, my frustration boiled over and I started crying. I cried really, really hard. I was so frustrated that I had so little control over the situation (and especially after the events of the weeks before). I had thought a 5-day move would be perfect, because I could pack and unpack as I went, and adjust myself, Joy and Moxa pretty smoothly. But, things weren’t going at all like I had hoped, and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Finally, after a very long and very hard cry, I calmed down and realized something. I recalled that I was in the monkey wave, and I realized that this was happening to help me learn how to let go of control. I realized that my desire to make things happen exactly in a certain way keeps me from being spontaneous in the way that I want to be.

I also realized that the reason I keep myself poor (somewhat unconsciously, but sometimes I seem to outright reject or sabatoge prosperity), is because the work of trying to survive in poverty keeps me distracted from having real encounters with life, and with people. I get scared that if I get too close to people, I will lose my autonomy, and I will have to hand my will over to them.

So, interestingly, if I can learn to be less rigid about wanting to control every encounter and situation I face, and if I can free myself up enough to accept prosperity so that I’m not struggling for basic survival, then I can learn to have a more trickster-playful energy myself, and I can learn to encounter life in a fun and spontaneous way. This is always something I’ve wanted to know how to do, but not known how, and at this time it is unfolding itself to me!

This story continues. More tomorrow!

Aug31

Making My Way

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Making My Way

I have come to a juncture where I must start making money. And, let’s be clear, after paying for taxes, childcare and gas, $10/hour doesn’t really make much money. It makes a tiny bit of money, but not enough to benefit me much. So, I need ways to make money that either make more than $10/hour or that I don’t need to use childcare for (like, providing childcare in people’s homes).

I am open to a range of options, although a limited range, because I really do want to stay in Asheville. Sadly, there’s not a lot of work here, certainly not above $10/hour. If I were open to moving to big cities, with my video background, I’d have a chance of making real money. But, I really feel that Asheville is where I need and want to be.

I am doing a lot of work in the world right now, none of it paid, but all of it is important to me. With my radio show, my events planning, etc, I am highlighting the consciousness shift that’s happening, connecting the dots between different aspect of the shifts going on right now, bringing to the front people whose work is centered around the shift, facilitating community building around positive change, and providing a voice for interconnectedness, shared power and community togetherness.

One of the options I’m considering as a career is consulting. Perhaps I can be a consultant to businesses that want to know how to incorporate these values into their missions.

Eventually, I’d like my radio show to be nationally syndicated, and that could make me a little money, but radio is not known for being a profitable biz for most. Ditto for writing. So, these are avenues I’d still like to pursue, but will definitely not make me money in the time frame I need them to right now.

Another idea I’ve been tossing around is doing personal consultations with individuals who also feel the consciousness shift happening, and want help discovering their role in it. I have a particular gift for seeing other people’s giftedness, and I think that, in this role, I could be an empowering force in people’s lives. I could use my skills for deep, intuitive listening to help people discover what has been within them all along, and provide encouragement and ideas for how to move forward with it. If you might be interested in this service, let me know, and we could set up a time to talk. Conversely, if you are already doing work in the world around the consciousness shift, but aren’t sure in which ways you are being effective or not effective, I’d be happy to provide a loving critique with ideas for places to strengthen the work you are already doing. With either of these services, I won’t have a set fee (because I’m just getting started), but will request love offerings, which means you could pay me whatever you felt you were able/what it was worth to you, after the session.

The last couple money-generating ideas I have are more practical, but may very well save my butt in the coming months. The first possibility is childcare. This usually doesn’t pay much, but at least I’m not paying for someone else to care for Joy in the meantime. Joy would love the extra social interaction, and playing with kids is fun. My childcare rates are flexible, depending on the needs of the family.

The last idea I have is house-cleaning. I have had friends who have done this, and made a living. Often, you can charge $25/hour for light cleaning, and that obviously would easily pay for the childcare needed, plus leaving me with money after. I’m also happy to do deep cleaning as well, but would charge more. I’m an excellent deep cleaner, which I attribute to my moon in Virgo! : ) If you live in Asheville, and want this kind of service, let me know, or let me know if you know anybody who is looking for something like this. Thanks! I’d like to get the word around. Ditto for the childcare.

Also, I’d like to humbly state that I also accept donations. Nope, I don’t mean “hand-outs,” I mean donations. Meaning, that if you like my work and would like to see me keep doing it, then perhaps you will consider supporting the work via some moula. Contact me if you might be interested in this or anything else I mentioned in this post.

If you are interested in contacting me about any of the above (or even anything else I haven’t yet thought of), you can contact me at girlchasingfrogs (at) gmail.com

Thank you!

Aug31

Chaos Ensued

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Chaos Ensued

So, the last post I wrote was about how I am a person of principles, blah, blah, blah. When I wrote that, I think the Universe pricked up its ears and said, “oh, yeah? Really?” because in the last couple weeks, some of my bigger weaknesses have been revealed to me. Humbling. That’s not to say I was entirely wrong in my self-analysis, and I certainly do try to live by my principles and ideals, but sometimes I also hide behind them, too. I have had some essential but unpleasant realizations the last few weeks, and I hope I bring them forward with me. I will try to share some of them soon on this blog, partly to help myself remember and integrate, and partly because maybe my sharing them could offer a mirror if anyone else has similar blind spots.

It has been an amazing and challenging couple weeks! I have been meeting a lot of interesting and amazing people, and attending some amazing events and gatherings. I’m seeing my role not only in this community but also in the world more clearly, and I’m more and more in the right place to do work that serves the world and also is personally very satisfying. I am referring to my interviews in particular on my show, which has really been rolling along, and also with some of the other event-related work I’ve been doing. If I ever had any doubts that Asheville was the right place for me at this time, I do not doubt anymore.

That said, I face further challenges coming ahead. A major one is that I need to start making money, ASAP, somehow. Ideally, I’d like to do so through the work I’m doing in the world, and if not, hopefully I can find money-making work that doesn’t interfere with this life-work. I’ll write more about that in my next post.

Aug17

Person of Principles

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Person of Principles

I am, most decidedly, a person of principles. I stick to my ideals, even when it seems moronic, and I hold by what I believe to be true, no matter the consequences.

Take for example, my situation right now. I am being evicted because I got a cat. Now, upfront that may not seem like a bold and decisive and integrity-ridden type of thing to do, but here’s how I see it… first of all, I thought it was okay for me to get a cat. I remember a conversation with my landlord where he said so. Apparently he changed his mind and/or forgot this conversation. At any rate, I violated the lease. He found out (because I wasn’t keeping it a secret) and told me I had to get rid of the cat or be out in 10 days, or he would evict me.

I could have gotten rid of the cat. Many people advised me to. It would have saved me a lot of grief. I could have stayed here. Or, there were places I ended up finding that were very nice but no cats allowed. But, I had already committed to the life of this little kitten (name: Moxa, for the healing sticks of Mugwort used in Chinese Medicine), and she was already part of our home. As is, she had been abandoned once already, and I wasn’t willing to do it to her again. Also, we had all already bonded, and both Joy and I would have been heartbroken to see her go.

Unfortunately, I was not able to find an apartment within the 10 days (partly, I think, because future landlords were wary about the threatened eviction), so I went to court. That sucked. I not only lost, I lost big time. I need to be out by the 23rd. Thankfully, an apartment application I submitted later that day was accepted, partly because my current landlord gave a glowing recommendation for me, and talked on and on about what a great renter I am (except for the cat situation, of course). I do always pay my rent on time, and I take good care of where I live. This adherence to these principles is probably what is saving my ass (although my ass was in danger because adherence to principles).

So many times in my life, I have risked my own well-being because of principles. And, as smug as I think I sound right now, I’m not saying that this is necessarily right. Because, often, there is a choice between different principles. I seem to always pick the ones that are not conducive to financial security, although I can see how creating financial security for my family is a mighty fine principle too.

When Joy was born, I had the choice to be a stay-at-home mom or to pay my credit card payments. That’s where the finances stood. Guess what I chose. It is hurting me in the long run, but weighed against a critical period of childhood development, I’m still glad I made the choice I did. Joy is a more secure child for it, I believe.

That is not to say that money is bad. In fact, money is pretty much necessary for most people in Western Culture for survival. Shelter, good food, safety, these things can be bought by money and contribute to happiness. I know that I need to learn to value prosperity more, especially because being poor is stressful and detracts from the rest of what I am doing.

Some people might feel I am sharing too much in this post. I heartily disagree with this imaginary argument. One of the principles I hold most dear is that it’s better to be out in the open about life’s troubles. Shame is a tool of oppression. If we feel shame about our problems, about ourselves, we hide our problems away. When we hide our problems away, we don’t see how other people share these problems, and that we really are all connected. Above all, I believe in connection. Once we, as a species, can realize our interconnectedness, we will be free. We will stop behaving so badly to each other and to the planet.

Other people might shame me for my poor money decisions. I’ve been called things from “self-destructive” to a “fuck-up.” Of course, these comments hurt, but I don’t really believe these things about me. I don’t believe that the financial system is equitable or well-made, and I have a hard time understanding how to work within it because I think it is an extremely faulty system. For example, modern capitalism as we know it is based on a constant state of expansion. Once things stop expanding, they fall apart. As we run out of new resources to exploit, we face financial disaster. I think it’s possible to create financial systems that don’t work like this, and can maintain balance without constant growth, but that’s not what we have. I don’t feel any aliegence towards the current financial system, because I don’t see a lot of good in it.

I think this whole money issue is a lot of what keeps people chained to the “system.” Because basic survival is tied to living this unnatural life, it’s hard to be critical of it or give it basic scrutiny. Some people, in growing their own food, etc, are learning to live outside of the system successfully, and I admire that a lot. I remember a talk with my grandmother where she mentioned that she thought folks should go back to growing and preserving their own food and instead of working so much, make time for family. I couldn’t agree more, then or now. What’s sad in this day and age is that it takes money to do THAT too! I don’t have land. I have a small container garden outside my apartment, and it will go sit on the small deck of my new apartment. I don’t have any raw earth to my name, no plot of land to grow things. I need money for this. Sadly, there’s not any good-paying work in Asheville right now that I can find, that could move me towards a goal of home-ownership someday. So, I could move to another city, but Asheville is where I belong. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. This is where my work is. Ideals over practicality again. And, if I work at a $10/hour job, at least half will go to childcare, and I also won’t have any money to do any of the projects I’m so dedicated to right now. Piddly-paying work hardly seems worth the cost, and yet that’s the level of “survival” many people live at.

Sometimes this principles thing is a little hairy. Actually, its probably a trickier way to live life. But, someday, I’m going to die. Hopefully that’s a long way away, but it will happen someday for certain. I would rather look back and know that I lived a principled life, rather than a life of compromises and regrets.

What do you think? Where do you stand on this continuum? Or is there another way of looking at all this? Have you figured out how to live enough within the economic system that you can prosper without giving up on your principles?