Category Archives: Personal Insights

Sep2

Meeting the Trickster, Part 2

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Meeting the Trickster, Part 2

My Trickster Journey continues a couple days ago, right after the tail end of the monkey wave, but still feeling the Trickster energies. I was in a facebook discussion where someone mentioned the difficulty that comes from knowing a situation from your own point of view, and knowing that it is your truth, and needing to impart that to someone else but seeing that they are not in a place where they can receive it because they are not in a place they can understand it. They explained it as, “this was true from my level but I could not find the door at her level.”

Something about this comment resonated with me and I wrote the following. It was one of those writing situations where as I wrote it, I discovered it for myself. I didn’t know I felt this way until I wrote it:

“‘This was true from my level but I could not find the door at her level,’ resonated with me. I have been in this situation on both ends. What a challenging place to be! Of course, when I’m on the side where’s there’s no door, I don’t see it until much later, I don’t see my lack of door-ness. Often, I analyze it once I do have the insight and ask myself what a person could have said or done differently to reach me. Usually, I can see something they could have said or done differently if they had known exactly what to do. Then, I always try to analyze that further and ask myself, “If I am ever in the situation where I am the person looking for that door, how will I know how to find it?” and to that answer I haven’t yet found an answer. I know it comes from deep listening and coming from a place of centered compassion. If I can enter into a connection with that person wherever they are at, then I have a chance. That requires at least a tiny bit of openness on their part, too.”

“Also, I think sometimes it requires me to learn how to take on a bit of the trickster. I haven’t figured how to do this yet, but I feel like its a skill I need. The wise trickster can walk into that situation, and not only connect with the person with compassion and integrity, but also can find just the right thing to say or do that will break through the defenses, create just enough element of surprise that the person can open up just enough to the receive the intended message. I think that’s part of how Rob Brezsny’s work works. By using language in such unusual, poetic and creative ways, he slips past the defenses of the routine ways of thinking, and actually gets some meaning through. People aren’t good at listening to words, because words get used in such stock, routine ways so much of the time. Also, we live so much in our own puppet theater heads, we don’t see when someone is trying to find our door, and we might not even care. But, if something can surprise us, that projected world cracks and a little bit of the “real” world has a chance to break through. There is an opportunity for an authentic moment, for a bit of brilliance, connection to come through, and right at that moment, if you are really in a place of compassion and integrity, you can say the thing that needs to be said, and you have a real chance of being heard!”

Wow, huh? I SO want to learn how to be a trickster!

Sep1

Meeting the Trickster, Part 1

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Meeting the Trickster, Part 1

So, the trickster visited me a couple weeks ago, which was during a monkey wave, naturally. : )

BTW… I follow this great calendar called the Keeping Time Calendar. I’ve mentioned it on this blog before, and basically it is a calendar that blends Western Astrology with modern archetypes and the Mayan time cycle, called the tzol-kin. I’ve been using it for a couple years now, and it’s amazingly spot on. Actually, a great way to learn more would be to check out my Interview with Stargazer Li.

Anyway… waves last 13 days, and this happened to be a monkey wave. Monkeys represent the playful trickster, and I certainly have been having a trickster adventure!

So, this was a Thursday evening. I was moving, was supposed to get the keys on Wednesday, and had to be out of the old apartment by Monday (or the Sheriff would come, blah). So, I picked up keys on Wednesday, but they were the wrong keys. Not only that, but at that same time, my van wouldn’t go into reverse so I ended up being temporarily stranded! Then, on Thursday, I swung by the landlord’s office to get the right keys (they knew I was coming) and they had left early for the day! I hadn’t been able to make it there sooner because of stranded vehicle situation, and as a result, I missed out on day 2 of the moving days I thought I was going to have! So, this left me with Friday and Sunday because Saturday I had a big all-day event I was co-hosting.

All day Wednesday and Thursday, I had tried to contain myself, and stay calm and centered. But, Thursday evening, my frustration boiled over and I started crying. I cried really, really hard. I was so frustrated that I had so little control over the situation (and especially after the events of the weeks before). I had thought a 5-day move would be perfect, because I could pack and unpack as I went, and adjust myself, Joy and Moxa pretty smoothly. But, things weren’t going at all like I had hoped, and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Finally, after a very long and very hard cry, I calmed down and realized something. I recalled that I was in the monkey wave, and I realized that this was happening to help me learn how to let go of control. I realized that my desire to make things happen exactly in a certain way keeps me from being spontaneous in the way that I want to be.

I also realized that the reason I keep myself poor (somewhat unconsciously, but sometimes I seem to outright reject or sabatoge prosperity), is because the work of trying to survive in poverty keeps me distracted from having real encounters with life, and with people. I get scared that if I get too close to people, I will lose my autonomy, and I will have to hand my will over to them.

So, interestingly, if I can learn to be less rigid about wanting to control every encounter and situation I face, and if I can free myself up enough to accept prosperity so that I’m not struggling for basic survival, then I can learn to have a more trickster-playful energy myself, and I can learn to encounter life in a fun and spontaneous way. This is always something I’ve wanted to know how to do, but not known how, and at this time it is unfolding itself to me!

This story continues. More tomorrow!

Aug31

Chaos Ensued

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Chaos Ensued

So, the last post I wrote was about how I am a person of principles, blah, blah, blah. When I wrote that, I think the Universe pricked up its ears and said, “oh, yeah? Really?” because in the last couple weeks, some of my bigger weaknesses have been revealed to me. Humbling. That’s not to say I was entirely wrong in my self-analysis, and I certainly do try to live by my principles and ideals, but sometimes I also hide behind them, too. I have had some essential but unpleasant realizations the last few weeks, and I hope I bring them forward with me. I will try to share some of them soon on this blog, partly to help myself remember and integrate, and partly because maybe my sharing them could offer a mirror if anyone else has similar blind spots.

It has been an amazing and challenging couple weeks! I have been meeting a lot of interesting and amazing people, and attending some amazing events and gatherings. I’m seeing my role not only in this community but also in the world more clearly, and I’m more and more in the right place to do work that serves the world and also is personally very satisfying. I am referring to my interviews in particular on my show, which has really been rolling along, and also with some of the other event-related work I’ve been doing. If I ever had any doubts that Asheville was the right place for me at this time, I do not doubt anymore.

That said, I face further challenges coming ahead. A major one is that I need to start making money, ASAP, somehow. Ideally, I’d like to do so through the work I’m doing in the world, and if not, hopefully I can find money-making work that doesn’t interfere with this life-work. I’ll write more about that in my next post.

Jul15

Fresh Energy and Creative Writing

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Fresh Energy and Creative Writing

So, I know I’ve been lax in writing lately, but life has distracted me! I had a visitor in from Chicago, and we and our kids had blissful fun. Also, lately, I’ve been needing a re-charge, and needing to step away for a bit from the heavy stuff. I’ve found that when I take rest breaks here and there, I come back with new perspective and fresh energy.

I’ve been dabbling a bit in creative writing as well, which has been very fun! I wrote my first flash fiction story, which was very exciting. I don’t know if it was any good, but I actually completed a fiction story, which is a very big step for me. I hope to do this semi-often, and get more comfortable with fiction writing. For those of you that don’t know, besides all my other aspirations, I have long been an aspiring filmmaker. I actually have many of the skills necessary to make movies (like technical and crew managing skills) but lack scripts that I like. My fiction-writing-block, therefore, has long held me back, but the relaxed and fast energy of flash writing may be the trick to get me actually comfortable with story!

Here is a poem I wrote about my friend’s visit. It’s pretty much in English Sonnet format, although there are a few places it doesn’t follow the form perfectly. : )

we sat in summer time and ate of fresh
plump plums and juice down tiny chins ran
small streams, like downward memories of splash
park dreams where little fingers say “I can!”

the sisters scat sang backseat rhyme in fact
and crooned sweet tunes on stage its true, oh true
not rain could stop the play, nor curry snacks
the girls have hearts attached with loving glue

on stacking drums and chopping “food” they soar
oh chh, ah chh, oh chh and chop and chop
and pour and slide and tow the wagon more
in circles pulling, dancers please don’t stop

oh sing that happy bumpy, bumping song!
it sure was fun, a summer ride along!

Jul8

A Movement “From the Roots” (and Dismantling of the Fame Obsession)

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A Movement “From the Roots” (and Dismantling of the Fame Obsession)

I had a heart-opening a few days ago, that I would like to share with you. I was freaking out because I didn’t know how I was going to do my work in the world. My resources are so limited, especially my time, and I just see so much work I want to do. This consciousness shift is happening, but I do get nervous sometimes that it might not be happening fast enough. Additionally, I start thinking that the weight of the shift is on my shoulders, and I start feeling like I have to push myself harder than my physical limits will allow.

In moments like this, I am blessed with the perspective of fellow shifters. Anthony, my facebook friend and one of the new Evolver Asheville Regional Coordinators, told me, “remember, this will be a revolution with no central command, and no leaders. Its a movement from the true roots of our society, and so every contribution, no matter how big or how small, is a step in the right direction.”

Right. Breathe, Virginia! Relax. He’s correct. When I read this on my phone,(as I was waiting in the park with Joy for the fireworks), something in me shifted. I felt that he was right, and that while it’s good I’m doing what I can, I can also trust in everyone else doing this work. I don’t have to do it all myself, and I wouldn’t want to. We are all rising up together, and it is happening! This shift in consciousness is taking hold of more and more people, and we are doing it, and we can trust that the work is happening, even when we don’t see every bit of it. That’s the whole point!

Also, this made me think differently about one of my unfortunate obsessions, fame. I’ve always wanted to be famous. I think there’s a few reasons for this, one is that this obsession is a way for me to deal with the loneliness I sometimes feel. This is clearly, not a healthy approach! Another reason I’ve always been obsessed with fame is because fame grants power in our culture, and I want to have as much ability to do my work as possible. Fame would allow my work to get farther out there than if I am not well known. Interestingly, his comment addressed both these issues. When I can realize that I am not alone, that there are lots and lots of us doing this work, I don’t need to feel lonely, because I am a part of something, even if its something that’s sometimes invisible. Also, I don’t need to have fame to create these changes, because we are all creating changes together, and by doing it together, we are stronger and more resilient. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like my work to be well-known. I would still like that, but something about these comments softened this desire in me… put it back into a healthier proportion to the bigger goal of contributing to the shift.

Joy and I enjoyed the fireworks, and on the walk had another experience. We were walking within a huge crowd of people traveling away from the park, and a woman’s voice rose up. As we got closer to her beautiful song, I noticed that a big crowd had formed around her to listen. The crowd was big enough that other pedestrians had to walk onto the side of the road to get by. Cars weren’t happy about the flow of foot traffic, but something about this scene made me very happy. I felt united, not only with the walking pedestrians but also the standing observers. I also stopped to listen to the woman sing. She had a basket by her feet, and it was overflowing with dollars. Everyone who passed by was moved by her incredible voice, and there was a feeling of connectedness and reverence within the crowd.

This is when everything hit home for me. Humanity is really all connected, and we can make the changes we need to make, because of our shared experiences. Sometimes, people might emerge as a focal point for our attention (like this singer) but what it’s really about is our common humanity. Not only was this a mental shift for me, but I felt it in my body as well. I felt a visceral connection with all these people, and with all people. I felt even deeper the truth of Anthony’s words, and I felt the change pushing up through the Earth.

Looking through a store window to the Singing Woman

Jul4

Putting the “Fun” back in Functional

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Putting the “Fun” back in Functional

I had a bit of an epiphany last night while I was at the park playing with Joy. We were climbing and sliding and swinging and spinning through the pre-dusk evening light, stopping every now and then to point at rising fireflies, when it came to me. I’ve been too serious lately, so much so that I’ve lost touch with the fun parts of the shift that I am hoping to create. In doing so, I’ve decreased my functionality, because I’ve been overwhelmed by the gravity of things happening in the world.

I see consciousness shifting as a delicate balance of the light and dark, the unseen and the seen, the difficult and the joyful. If we are going to come out intact from the changes upon us, we need to be aware of the problems we face. When I realized a few months ago that peak oil could very well be the catalyst for the shift, it took me some time to adjust to that possibility. Then, of course, the BP Disaster happened (and continues to happen) and I felt so, so heavy. While I continued to feel hope, my heart felt weighed down by the awareness of the crisis.

I think I had to experience that grief, but I also think that if I let myself stay there too long, I won’t be effective at much of anything. And, I don’t want to put all my energy focusing on the things that are wrong, because then I will only create more of the same. To really create this shift, not only do we have to be aware of the things that don’t work about the current status quo, we need to also create a new, joyful connected world, the world we really want. Isolation and depression are major tenants of our old way of living, and connection and joy are hallmarks of the world we can create new.

So, I’m going to spend more time focusing on fun. I will experiment with activities that shift my perceptions into states of pleasure, bliss and connection. I’m thinking of even posting some exercises on here, games to play to break the hold of oppressive mind-sets. Stay tuned, because I’m just getting started…

Jul1

I am being the change

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I am being the change

Shortly, I will be posting a note about projects I’ve been working on, but first I thought I’d mention things I’m working on in my personal life (so that I can do what Ghandi said and be the change I want to see):

1) I am planning to begin commuting by bike. I haven’t decided if it will be 100% yet (and include selling my car to buy the bike) but I am strategizing. If anyone has any great tips for commuting via bike, please share them with me. I want to end or at least significantly decrease my oil consumption, and get in better shape. Also, I find that being in a car (especially driving around in traffic) makes me feel less connected with the world. To best ride the changes to come, I want to be very much in touch with my body and the physical world around me.

2) I am starting again Cheri Huber’s “Making a Change for Good” personal retreat. I am now on day 3. Cheri explains Buddhist concepts in a way I actually get, and she gives great tools for “compassionate self discipline.” This program involves daily meditation and check-in and also working on one area of your life. It doesn’t matter if you screw up, or even if you quit. The whole point of the program is to learn what your conditioned mind does to stop you from doing what you want. I definitely feel my conditioned mind resisting this work, but I also see it working.

3) I am working to take better care of myself. This is tricky when I’ve got so many other things going on, but obviously necessary. Sleeping and eating are both good. This is part of the reason I asked for help (on my Facebook note which I will post shortly), because my resources are stretched so thin I am struggling. I want to keep on doing the work I am doing, and even expand on it, but without going crazy.

4) I am working on a master-organization plan for my apartment. For the last few months, a lot of things have been up in the air, so I haven’t been dedicating any time to organization, but if I’m going to be efficient at everything I do (AND stay healthy AND be a good and attentive mom) then I need to have a system for everything in my apartment.

These are all things that involve work up front, but save work and suffering in the long-term. I want to be able to continue doing the work that is important to me, and that includes making my life more efficient and healthy, and also living the work.

Jun24

A Letter to my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandchild

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A Letter to my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandchild


Dearest child,

There is a Native American belief which states that every action should be considered with an awareness of its impact on the next seven generations. This ideal has been lost in our current culture, however, I am choosing to contemplate your future life so that I can gain a compass reading on my own life. I hope to do well by you.

If you get this message, it means that you (and the human species) exists, and that is good. Whether or not you get this message, I hope that you are happy, safe and healthy. I hope that the culture you live in is much more balanced and healthy than the culture I have grown up in and still live in.

I live in difficult and confusing times, so much so that many people don’t realize them as such. Our culture is so deeply inbalanced that many children are abused, many women (and men) are raped, racism exists at subtle and overt levels, and we are raping the Earth at profound rates to feed our addictions to wasteful lifestyles. Large corporations seem to have more power than people, more power than elected officials, and again, the Earth is raped repeatedly for greed and our modern consumerist addictions to “stuff.” Especially in the United States, many people have bought the lie that we are consumers more than citizens, and because of this, passivity and apathy are the general state of things. Even amongst people with the will to care, everything seems so hopeless that it’s not worth the energy or heartache to do anything about the things that are wrong. This mood of helplessness is fostered by those in power to keep us passive. Also, divisiveness is fostered by people in power to retain their power. Racism is one example. When poor white people resent poor black people, we are not rising together to address our common oppressions.

If you study world history, you can learn that whoever controls the information controls everything. That is true in my time as well. Corporate interests own most media outlets, and therefore few Americans have access to what’s really going on. There are independent media sources, but they are struggling a great deal financially. I think this is part of how the whole system works… artists with real visions and independent journalists both are marginalized in our system, because they cannot make a living without “selling out.” Our consumerist culture has essentially made spiritual slaves of many people, because it is nearly impossible to exist outside of the system. This was not always true, because the means of basic living used to be in the hands of all people. Now, even the basics need to be purchased, and to get back to a more natural, sustainable way of living takes some (often financial) resources.

Movements are happening, however, to do just this. Transition Towns is one example. It is a re-localization movement in response to the twin problems of peak oil and climate change. Surely, seven generations from now, you have heard of peak oil, and think of it in the far past-tense. However, many people today haven’t heard of it at all, although we have likely passed it. Right now, we are facing an awareness crisis. Many people don’t realize the extent of the real problems facing us, many others don’t realize the causes of the problems, and many others don’t see any way to change. There are lots of examples of change in history, change is possible, but I feel like many people just don’t see it.

I hope your existence means that I, and/or others like me, succeeded. I hope that you can look back on my lifetime and see that this was the time we turned everything around, we stopped the speeding freight train and ensured humanity’s survival. The ego part of me hopes that I had a big role in changing humanity’s trajectory, but I realize this is a shallow dream. What’s really important is that I did what I could, and that somehow, all together, we achieved the necessary and yet seemingly impossible challenges before us.

Right now, there is an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that is gushing crude oil and methane. The gas company BP is adding toxic dispersants in the millions of gallons in an effort to decrease the visibility of the spill (in order to make themselves look less bad). The total effect of all of this is not known, and yet we do know that a lot of death will result, of wildlife, ecosystems, and people. 11 people died in the explosion that caused the “leak,” and as of today, 2 clean-up workers have died, although no link has been proven yet. Because of exposure to toxic oil, methane and dispersants, more people could die, especially because in many cases BP is not providing proper safety gear for clean-up workers. The travesties go on and on, but I will stop listing them now.

I hope that if you have heard of this spill at all, you heard of it in the context of this is the time that people woke up and changed things. It is hard not to feel helpless when a huge corporation like BP is calling the shots and making horrible decisions. It’s easy to feel like the world is ending when we see the early effects of this disaster and still people in the government still want to perform more offshore drilling. But, I believe, more than ever, that we can make changes if enough people rise up together. I hope that is the story I will get to tell my daughter, grandaughter, and maybe the story will trickle down to you. I hope that this is the time that not only did we step up to corporate abuse of power, but also reclaimed our power as citizens. I hope that we, at this time, end our addiction to fossil fuels and stop raping the Earth for her last bits of fuel. I hope this is the story that you eventually learn of my times.

Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandchild of mine, I wish you the best, which is why I am taking this all so seriously. It’s not just our relationship to fossil fuels that is our problem, its our entire relationship to power, and relationship to ourselves. We have not yet learned how interconnected we all are. Our society’s roots are in domination and separation and conquer, and these ideologies persist still. If the world and human race is to survive to you, I think we will need to learn that we are all One.

I hope you have had a better life already than mine has been so far. My parents were both abusive, and I had a difficult start. While I do hold them responsible, I also think they are products of a highly toxic culture, and I hope that the toxicity has been washed away long before your birth. I hope that humanity has a spiritual awakening soon, in my lifetime. I have spent much of my adult life healing, which I feel has given me perspectives on the great healing that needs to happen in the world. Just in the last few years (with the birth of my daughter Joy) have my healing efforts turned from inward to outward. Because we are all connected, I had to heal myself first. Because we are all connected, my healing does not end at myself. I am part of the larger world, and so I feel I must be part of the healing. It starts with reducing my own oil dependency and becoming more reliant on local networks for food and other needs. It also includes speaking out about the problems I see and singing out about the hope I feel.

By the time of your birth, I hope that humankind has long been peaceful and the Earth’s ecosystems have been restored. I hope that your life is free, peaceful, in balance with nature and all life, and full of love. So may it be, because after all, I am doing this for you!

Love,
Your great-great-great-great-great grandma!

p.s. I have included a picture of my sleeping daughter, Joy, your great-great-great-great grandmother. She is 2 years old at the time of this writing. I look at this picture, and I can imagine it’s of you. Children are born into this world with whole and shiny spirits. Joy gives me hope for living. She was born into difficult times, but has not been touched by them. She is still so connected with her spirit, that she is really an angel. All children are this way. As humans, it is not our nature to be destructive, that is a result of conditioning. It is our nature to be pure loving spirits. Even as adults, when we have lost our sense of connection to the divine, we are still pure and loving spirits, we just are disconnected from our source. May we all find our way back again! Love-Love!

Jun23

River Walking: Flow is My Answer to our Problems

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River Walking: Flow is My Answer to our Problems

In these troubling times, sometimes its hard to know how to function in the world and stay open and present. With the oil and methane continuing to gush into the Gulf, where it is mixed with toxic dispersants, and cover-up efforts being as extensive as clean-up efforts, it’s becoming clear how much power corporations really have in our country. This is as if Citizens United hadn’t already make this power distribution plenty clear already.

It’s easy to want to shut off and tune out. I have heard from many friends that they are in so much pain from the Gulf situation that they have turned off entirely. I can understand this perspective, even as I think it’s detrimental. People in the Gulf are surrounded by a lot of silence, some silence from those who are indifferent and some silence from people are in pain. When we show solidarity with the Gulf, we show people there that we care and that we understand we are all connected. What happens to a whale in the Gulf, or a fisherman, effects me. We are all connected, and if we can come into this awareness, we have a chance to work together to make this world the world we want.

On June 21st, Obama made a speech about the proposed climate bill. Click Here to See Speech. One thing from the speech really caught my attention: “Real change is only possible when ordinary Americans are willing to organize from the bottom up.” This is true. Although it sometimes seems like our government is owned by corporate interests, to some degree, we can influence the government by speaking out. Obama has said this before, as have past presidents. If we want our government to represent our interests, we need to be very vocal about what we want. It’s a start anyway.

So, how do we stay open and aware to the difficult situations in the Gulf (and other places) without becoming so cynical we close down and give up? That’s where I think spirituality comes in. Not spirituality as in religion, or dogma, that tells us what to believe, but spirituality in the sense of connecting with Spirit, the life force, our own internal divinity or wisdom. When we come into a sense of greater connection with everything, painful events can’t overpower us. When we can live with the flow of life, we can live with peace in our hearts at the same time that we are able to respond to the pain of others and speak out about abuses of power.

Here’s a metaphor I’d like to share with you about how to live open in this way:

When I was in college, I loved to go spend time at the Kinnikinnick River. I did a lot of hiking, but sometimes I also did what I called River Walking. Here’s a sample of that experience (written in present tense for immediacy):

Breathing in the fresh woodsy wet air, I push through foliage for a nice flat place to put my shoes. My breathing slows down and I feel peaceful as I listen to the river rushing, talking to me, soothing me. I set my shoes next to a distinctive tree (so that I remember where I left them), and I ease my feet into the icy cold water. The sun beats down on my head and my breath quickens as my feet get accustomed to the cold. I shift my weight onto my bare feet, listening to my feet. With my tender soles, I feel where the rocks are shifting or holding steady, I feel the rush of water and the cold creeps up my legs.

Carefully, listening to information from the skin of my feet, I creep towards the center of the river. My mind quiets as I discern whether rocks are steady enough to bear weight or not. Occasionally, a rock slips, and because I feel it as it happens, my weight shifts to the other foot and I continue to search for steady rocks. As I get closer to the center of the river, the water rises higher and higher until it is well above my knees. The water pushes against my legs, threatening to throw me off-balance, and I counter by slowing my breath even further and listen more deeply with my feet.

I exist in a state of balance as the water rushes against and past me. The top of my body is hot from the sun as my legs are getting numb from the cold. I can hear nothing but water rushing over rocks, and my thoughts dissipate to near silence. A cool, steady calm washes over my brain, washes over the anxiety I brought with me. Soon, I am aware of only the cold wet, the sound of water rushing, my tender feet on the rough rocks, the fresh air cleaning through my steady lungs, and the conscious choice to shift weight, test a rock, steady, shift weight, test a rock, steady… My life is this… this motion through the water, this union with the river, this motion, steady, testing, motion, steady…

After a little while, insights start pouring into my mind… answers to my life’s problems, clues to my internal puzzles, ideas about new directions to go. I can’t help but get excited as these new insights start pouring in, but when I try to hold onto anything, I lose my balance a bit. A rock doesn’t hold as steadily as I thought it would, and I scramble a bit on the slippery rocks to regain my balance.

The struggle floods me with adrenaline and clears my mind for a moment as I focus my energies on not being carried away by the rushing waters. Soon, I am centered and balanced again. I decide to let the insights come… and go. As insights flow into my brain, I let them arrive, and then let them go just as the flow of water flows past me.

Whenever I try to hold onto an idea, the experience repeats itself. It’s just as if I am trying to catch the water flowing past me instead of letting it flow by… the resistance created by holding on creates drag and I lose my balance. Eventually, I stay in a state of complete openness, letting information flow into me and back out again. I stay in a state of peace and balance as I walk my way upstream. I make an agreement with my subconscious that these ideas will come back to me later at a time I can use them. My conscious and subconscious mind work like this, together, with ease.

Eventually, I turn around and head back downstream to where my shoes are. By the time I climb onshore, I feel cleansed through and through, as my spirit and mind feel clear and light. In walking with the river, I became one with the river and the insights that flowed through my mind enriched me even when I didn’t hold onto anything.

This is a way to move through life, not just rushing water. I chose to try to stay open, let life flow through me without resistance. In this way, I can stay open to the problems, solutions, joy and pain of life without getting carried away. Flow is my answer.

Feb25

Fate and Free Will (and a Great Radio Show)

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Fate and Free Will (and a Great Radio Show)

Recently, on the Diana’s Grove Mystery School on-line discussion forum, someone asked about the paradox of believing in both faith and free will. Below is my personal answer.

I do believe, as Rob Breszny states, “The Universe is conspiring to shower me with blessings.” Right now, I’m especially feeling that way because things in my life are really coming into fruition. I’m starting a new radio show on the local Low-Power FM station, and I am sort of feeling like everything in my life has led me to this moment.

The show is called “Systemic Effect” and is about the current conciousness shift, changing of the ages, and people who are riding the front wave of it and doing the work. Although this is a volunteer producer position, Ive decided (or been called?) to dream big for it. My goal is for it to become a nationally syndicated radio program by a year from now. I feel like it could really happen, too. I have the necessary skills, I know lots of people who are in some unique way dedicated to the shift, i have an ever-solidifying vision of the structure of the big shift, and I think a lot of people would be very excited to access the information and ideas of this show.

I am suddenly very clear that this is my life’s work at this time, and that everything before this is leading to this work, and everything after this will in some way benefit or stem from this work.

A lot of my current life situations are due to my following some very intense guidance I have been getting. Moving to Asheville is the biggest example. I felt so called to come here even thoigh it seemed crazy to make such a big move with a toddler and I did not have the resources to do this transition smoothly. As a result, I have had the *opportunity* to confront and release my deepest fears. It has been a hard road, and yet through it all I have managed to stay true to my deepest core values. Even through intense poverty, I have been a great mom. My daughter, Joy, has continued to have a great life, and I have remained true to myself even through crushing doubt. As a result, I am stronger in myself than ever, and I am now living in a great town that is the perfect launching place for my life’s work. See, it is all coming together!

Regarding free will, I fully believe that fate is an infinitely flexible thing. I think it is possible to refuse the lessons we came into our lives to learn. The result is that our lives then repeat the same lessons over and over until we get it and can move on to the next thing. Once we learn to listen to and follow our deepest passions and guidance, we are able to break our patterns and live as co-creators with the Universe. That’s how I see it, anyway.

One of the beauties of the approach at Diana’s Grove is the leadership approach of “leading people to their own discoveries.” I like this because no one but me can actually know or discover what my real lessons are. From the outside, many of my recent actions may have seemed self-destructive, but only I could have known how trully I have been following destiny’s call. Because DG is a community where no one preaches to me and tells me what my path is, I am able to really listen deeply to what my own heart knows. I am so grateful for the love and encouragement I get here.

So, I believe in fate and free will as both real and seperate, yet symbiotically interrelated. Anyone else? How do you see these forces at work in your life?