Category Archives: My Quest

Sep3

Meeting the Trickster, Part 3 (Oh, yeah, and I’m an Earth Healer)

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Meeting the Trickster, Part 3 (Oh, yeah, and I’m an Earth Healer)

Don’t think I’ve mentioned this here before, but I’m an Earth Healer. I have the capacity to energetically connect with the land below me, talk to it, and heal it. In the process, I also heal myself and open myself up to a whole new dimension of existence. Sounds pretty cool, huh? You’d think I’d do it all the time, then, huh? You’d sure think.

For some reason, this is something I’ve only done a few times but have always been able to do with little difficulty. With the money concerns I’ve been having lately (money, food, shelter and physical well-being are all Earth energy), I decided to do my thing. I also decided that I want to do this more often, for my own well-being but also because with everything we humans are doing the Earth right now, she can use our good vibes!

So, when Joy fell asleep for her nap, I went and sat on the back deck and meditated. The trick to doing this work is to get to the smallest core of myself, to become that tiny area of energy. Then, I acknowledge that everything in the Universe is reflected in that tiny spot. Suddenly, I can feel all of everything inside of me, including and especially the land within a quarter mile or so. At this point, I just offer my presence, I don’t try to fix or actively do anything. Awareness in itself is healing, so I offer my awareness, and I let myself flow through any resistence I feel either from myself or from the energy of the land (and some land is carrying some nasty energy from bad things people have done). I just stay in connection and I let it flow, and that’s how the work is done. It’s always really powerful, so as I said, I’m not sure why I don’t do it more. Maybe because it’s so mind blowing!!!

Anyway, even though this meditation was to address Earth and Money issues (which I did feel a lot of shifting on), the most prominent event of the meditation was that my inner Trickster awakened! Suddenly, I was a Trickster Goddess, and my work was about creating the element of surprise to crack the veils of routine perceptions, while simultaneously holding compassionate awareness.

I realized next that my Trickster has been hidden in shadow for years! I must have felt scared of this energy within me, and buried it, but of course, burying anything brings out the worst in it. And, from it’s shadow position, my Trickster was still playing tricks, but not good kinds. I think this is where lots of my financial self-destructiveness comes from, from my desire to break open the artificial world for light to shine in. That desire by itself is beautiful, but when reviled, it turns ugly too. It’s still not “evil” but in its desire to be free, I repeat the same negative patterns that will jar me over and over enough until I am tired of the strain, and look at it (which I have been doing, and which leads me to this point).

So, I have not yet fully embodied my Trickster Goddess self, partly because it is such an intense energy shift. I have moments, though, where I am fully her, I am fully me and I am filled with playful, creative, ingenious and surprising ideas for how to make my life work, how to make money, how to relate better in the world, and how to create some cracks in the dysfunctional shared reality. Embodying this energy feels amazing, and I feel like it’s just the beginning!

Aug31

Making My Way

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Making My Way

I have come to a juncture where I must start making money. And, let’s be clear, after paying for taxes, childcare and gas, $10/hour doesn’t really make much money. It makes a tiny bit of money, but not enough to benefit me much. So, I need ways to make money that either make more than $10/hour or that I don’t need to use childcare for (like, providing childcare in people’s homes).

I am open to a range of options, although a limited range, because I really do want to stay in Asheville. Sadly, there’s not a lot of work here, certainly not above $10/hour. If I were open to moving to big cities, with my video background, I’d have a chance of making real money. But, I really feel that Asheville is where I need and want to be.

I am doing a lot of work in the world right now, none of it paid, but all of it is important to me. With my radio show, my events planning, etc, I am highlighting the consciousness shift that’s happening, connecting the dots between different aspect of the shifts going on right now, bringing to the front people whose work is centered around the shift, facilitating community building around positive change, and providing a voice for interconnectedness, shared power and community togetherness.

One of the options I’m considering as a career is consulting. Perhaps I can be a consultant to businesses that want to know how to incorporate these values into their missions.

Eventually, I’d like my radio show to be nationally syndicated, and that could make me a little money, but radio is not known for being a profitable biz for most. Ditto for writing. So, these are avenues I’d still like to pursue, but will definitely not make me money in the time frame I need them to right now.

Another idea I’ve been tossing around is doing personal consultations with individuals who also feel the consciousness shift happening, and want help discovering their role in it. I have a particular gift for seeing other people’s giftedness, and I think that, in this role, I could be an empowering force in people’s lives. I could use my skills for deep, intuitive listening to help people discover what has been within them all along, and provide encouragement and ideas for how to move forward with it. If you might be interested in this service, let me know, and we could set up a time to talk. Conversely, if you are already doing work in the world around the consciousness shift, but aren’t sure in which ways you are being effective or not effective, I’d be happy to provide a loving critique with ideas for places to strengthen the work you are already doing. With either of these services, I won’t have a set fee (because I’m just getting started), but will request love offerings, which means you could pay me whatever you felt you were able/what it was worth to you, after the session.

The last couple money-generating ideas I have are more practical, but may very well save my butt in the coming months. The first possibility is childcare. This usually doesn’t pay much, but at least I’m not paying for someone else to care for Joy in the meantime. Joy would love the extra social interaction, and playing with kids is fun. My childcare rates are flexible, depending on the needs of the family.

The last idea I have is house-cleaning. I have had friends who have done this, and made a living. Often, you can charge $25/hour for light cleaning, and that obviously would easily pay for the childcare needed, plus leaving me with money after. I’m also happy to do deep cleaning as well, but would charge more. I’m an excellent deep cleaner, which I attribute to my moon in Virgo! : ) If you live in Asheville, and want this kind of service, let me know, or let me know if you know anybody who is looking for something like this. Thanks! I’d like to get the word around. Ditto for the childcare.

Also, I’d like to humbly state that I also accept donations. Nope, I don’t mean “hand-outs,” I mean donations. Meaning, that if you like my work and would like to see me keep doing it, then perhaps you will consider supporting the work via some moula. Contact me if you might be interested in this or anything else I mentioned in this post.

If you are interested in contacting me about any of the above (or even anything else I haven’t yet thought of), you can contact me at girlchasingfrogs (at) gmail.com

Thank you!

Aug17

Person of Principles

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Person of Principles

I am, most decidedly, a person of principles. I stick to my ideals, even when it seems moronic, and I hold by what I believe to be true, no matter the consequences.

Take for example, my situation right now. I am being evicted because I got a cat. Now, upfront that may not seem like a bold and decisive and integrity-ridden type of thing to do, but here’s how I see it… first of all, I thought it was okay for me to get a cat. I remember a conversation with my landlord where he said so. Apparently he changed his mind and/or forgot this conversation. At any rate, I violated the lease. He found out (because I wasn’t keeping it a secret) and told me I had to get rid of the cat or be out in 10 days, or he would evict me.

I could have gotten rid of the cat. Many people advised me to. It would have saved me a lot of grief. I could have stayed here. Or, there were places I ended up finding that were very nice but no cats allowed. But, I had already committed to the life of this little kitten (name: Moxa, for the healing sticks of Mugwort used in Chinese Medicine), and she was already part of our home. As is, she had been abandoned once already, and I wasn’t willing to do it to her again. Also, we had all already bonded, and both Joy and I would have been heartbroken to see her go.

Unfortunately, I was not able to find an apartment within the 10 days (partly, I think, because future landlords were wary about the threatened eviction), so I went to court. That sucked. I not only lost, I lost big time. I need to be out by the 23rd. Thankfully, an apartment application I submitted later that day was accepted, partly because my current landlord gave a glowing recommendation for me, and talked on and on about what a great renter I am (except for the cat situation, of course). I do always pay my rent on time, and I take good care of where I live. This adherence to these principles is probably what is saving my ass (although my ass was in danger because adherence to principles).

So many times in my life, I have risked my own well-being because of principles. And, as smug as I think I sound right now, I’m not saying that this is necessarily right. Because, often, there is a choice between different principles. I seem to always pick the ones that are not conducive to financial security, although I can see how creating financial security for my family is a mighty fine principle too.

When Joy was born, I had the choice to be a stay-at-home mom or to pay my credit card payments. That’s where the finances stood. Guess what I chose. It is hurting me in the long run, but weighed against a critical period of childhood development, I’m still glad I made the choice I did. Joy is a more secure child for it, I believe.

That is not to say that money is bad. In fact, money is pretty much necessary for most people in Western Culture for survival. Shelter, good food, safety, these things can be bought by money and contribute to happiness. I know that I need to learn to value prosperity more, especially because being poor is stressful and detracts from the rest of what I am doing.

Some people might feel I am sharing too much in this post. I heartily disagree with this imaginary argument. One of the principles I hold most dear is that it’s better to be out in the open about life’s troubles. Shame is a tool of oppression. If we feel shame about our problems, about ourselves, we hide our problems away. When we hide our problems away, we don’t see how other people share these problems, and that we really are all connected. Above all, I believe in connection. Once we, as a species, can realize our interconnectedness, we will be free. We will stop behaving so badly to each other and to the planet.

Other people might shame me for my poor money decisions. I’ve been called things from “self-destructive” to a “fuck-up.” Of course, these comments hurt, but I don’t really believe these things about me. I don’t believe that the financial system is equitable or well-made, and I have a hard time understanding how to work within it because I think it is an extremely faulty system. For example, modern capitalism as we know it is based on a constant state of expansion. Once things stop expanding, they fall apart. As we run out of new resources to exploit, we face financial disaster. I think it’s possible to create financial systems that don’t work like this, and can maintain balance without constant growth, but that’s not what we have. I don’t feel any aliegence towards the current financial system, because I don’t see a lot of good in it.

I think this whole money issue is a lot of what keeps people chained to the “system.” Because basic survival is tied to living this unnatural life, it’s hard to be critical of it or give it basic scrutiny. Some people, in growing their own food, etc, are learning to live outside of the system successfully, and I admire that a lot. I remember a talk with my grandmother where she mentioned that she thought folks should go back to growing and preserving their own food and instead of working so much, make time for family. I couldn’t agree more, then or now. What’s sad in this day and age is that it takes money to do THAT too! I don’t have land. I have a small container garden outside my apartment, and it will go sit on the small deck of my new apartment. I don’t have any raw earth to my name, no plot of land to grow things. I need money for this. Sadly, there’s not any good-paying work in Asheville right now that I can find, that could move me towards a goal of home-ownership someday. So, I could move to another city, but Asheville is where I belong. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. This is where my work is. Ideals over practicality again. And, if I work at a $10/hour job, at least half will go to childcare, and I also won’t have any money to do any of the projects I’m so dedicated to right now. Piddly-paying work hardly seems worth the cost, and yet that’s the level of “survival” many people live at.

Sometimes this principles thing is a little hairy. Actually, its probably a trickier way to live life. But, someday, I’m going to die. Hopefully that’s a long way away, but it will happen someday for certain. I would rather look back and know that I lived a principled life, rather than a life of compromises and regrets.

What do you think? Where do you stand on this continuum? Or is there another way of looking at all this? Have you figured out how to live enough within the economic system that you can prosper without giving up on your principles?

Jul8

A Movement “From the Roots” (and Dismantling of the Fame Obsession)

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A Movement “From the Roots” (and Dismantling of the Fame Obsession)

I had a heart-opening a few days ago, that I would like to share with you. I was freaking out because I didn’t know how I was going to do my work in the world. My resources are so limited, especially my time, and I just see so much work I want to do. This consciousness shift is happening, but I do get nervous sometimes that it might not be happening fast enough. Additionally, I start thinking that the weight of the shift is on my shoulders, and I start feeling like I have to push myself harder than my physical limits will allow.

In moments like this, I am blessed with the perspective of fellow shifters. Anthony, my facebook friend and one of the new Evolver Asheville Regional Coordinators, told me, “remember, this will be a revolution with no central command, and no leaders. Its a movement from the true roots of our society, and so every contribution, no matter how big or how small, is a step in the right direction.”

Right. Breathe, Virginia! Relax. He’s correct. When I read this on my phone,(as I was waiting in the park with Joy for the fireworks), something in me shifted. I felt that he was right, and that while it’s good I’m doing what I can, I can also trust in everyone else doing this work. I don’t have to do it all myself, and I wouldn’t want to. We are all rising up together, and it is happening! This shift in consciousness is taking hold of more and more people, and we are doing it, and we can trust that the work is happening, even when we don’t see every bit of it. That’s the whole point!

Also, this made me think differently about one of my unfortunate obsessions, fame. I’ve always wanted to be famous. I think there’s a few reasons for this, one is that this obsession is a way for me to deal with the loneliness I sometimes feel. This is clearly, not a healthy approach! Another reason I’ve always been obsessed with fame is because fame grants power in our culture, and I want to have as much ability to do my work as possible. Fame would allow my work to get farther out there than if I am not well known. Interestingly, his comment addressed both these issues. When I can realize that I am not alone, that there are lots and lots of us doing this work, I don’t need to feel lonely, because I am a part of something, even if its something that’s sometimes invisible. Also, I don’t need to have fame to create these changes, because we are all creating changes together, and by doing it together, we are stronger and more resilient. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like my work to be well-known. I would still like that, but something about these comments softened this desire in me… put it back into a healthier proportion to the bigger goal of contributing to the shift.

Joy and I enjoyed the fireworks, and on the walk had another experience. We were walking within a huge crowd of people traveling away from the park, and a woman’s voice rose up. As we got closer to her beautiful song, I noticed that a big crowd had formed around her to listen. The crowd was big enough that other pedestrians had to walk onto the side of the road to get by. Cars weren’t happy about the flow of foot traffic, but something about this scene made me very happy. I felt united, not only with the walking pedestrians but also the standing observers. I also stopped to listen to the woman sing. She had a basket by her feet, and it was overflowing with dollars. Everyone who passed by was moved by her incredible voice, and there was a feeling of connectedness and reverence within the crowd.

This is when everything hit home for me. Humanity is really all connected, and we can make the changes we need to make, because of our shared experiences. Sometimes, people might emerge as a focal point for our attention (like this singer) but what it’s really about is our common humanity. Not only was this a mental shift for me, but I felt it in my body as well. I felt a visceral connection with all these people, and with all people. I felt even deeper the truth of Anthony’s words, and I felt the change pushing up through the Earth.

Looking through a store window to the Singing Woman

Jun24

A Letter to my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandchild

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A Letter to my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandchild


Dearest child,

There is a Native American belief which states that every action should be considered with an awareness of its impact on the next seven generations. This ideal has been lost in our current culture, however, I am choosing to contemplate your future life so that I can gain a compass reading on my own life. I hope to do well by you.

If you get this message, it means that you (and the human species) exists, and that is good. Whether or not you get this message, I hope that you are happy, safe and healthy. I hope that the culture you live in is much more balanced and healthy than the culture I have grown up in and still live in.

I live in difficult and confusing times, so much so that many people don’t realize them as such. Our culture is so deeply inbalanced that many children are abused, many women (and men) are raped, racism exists at subtle and overt levels, and we are raping the Earth at profound rates to feed our addictions to wasteful lifestyles. Large corporations seem to have more power than people, more power than elected officials, and again, the Earth is raped repeatedly for greed and our modern consumerist addictions to “stuff.” Especially in the United States, many people have bought the lie that we are consumers more than citizens, and because of this, passivity and apathy are the general state of things. Even amongst people with the will to care, everything seems so hopeless that it’s not worth the energy or heartache to do anything about the things that are wrong. This mood of helplessness is fostered by those in power to keep us passive. Also, divisiveness is fostered by people in power to retain their power. Racism is one example. When poor white people resent poor black people, we are not rising together to address our common oppressions.

If you study world history, you can learn that whoever controls the information controls everything. That is true in my time as well. Corporate interests own most media outlets, and therefore few Americans have access to what’s really going on. There are independent media sources, but they are struggling a great deal financially. I think this is part of how the whole system works… artists with real visions and independent journalists both are marginalized in our system, because they cannot make a living without “selling out.” Our consumerist culture has essentially made spiritual slaves of many people, because it is nearly impossible to exist outside of the system. This was not always true, because the means of basic living used to be in the hands of all people. Now, even the basics need to be purchased, and to get back to a more natural, sustainable way of living takes some (often financial) resources.

Movements are happening, however, to do just this. Transition Towns is one example. It is a re-localization movement in response to the twin problems of peak oil and climate change. Surely, seven generations from now, you have heard of peak oil, and think of it in the far past-tense. However, many people today haven’t heard of it at all, although we have likely passed it. Right now, we are facing an awareness crisis. Many people don’t realize the extent of the real problems facing us, many others don’t realize the causes of the problems, and many others don’t see any way to change. There are lots of examples of change in history, change is possible, but I feel like many people just don’t see it.

I hope your existence means that I, and/or others like me, succeeded. I hope that you can look back on my lifetime and see that this was the time we turned everything around, we stopped the speeding freight train and ensured humanity’s survival. The ego part of me hopes that I had a big role in changing humanity’s trajectory, but I realize this is a shallow dream. What’s really important is that I did what I could, and that somehow, all together, we achieved the necessary and yet seemingly impossible challenges before us.

Right now, there is an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that is gushing crude oil and methane. The gas company BP is adding toxic dispersants in the millions of gallons in an effort to decrease the visibility of the spill (in order to make themselves look less bad). The total effect of all of this is not known, and yet we do know that a lot of death will result, of wildlife, ecosystems, and people. 11 people died in the explosion that caused the “leak,” and as of today, 2 clean-up workers have died, although no link has been proven yet. Because of exposure to toxic oil, methane and dispersants, more people could die, especially because in many cases BP is not providing proper safety gear for clean-up workers. The travesties go on and on, but I will stop listing them now.

I hope that if you have heard of this spill at all, you heard of it in the context of this is the time that people woke up and changed things. It is hard not to feel helpless when a huge corporation like BP is calling the shots and making horrible decisions. It’s easy to feel like the world is ending when we see the early effects of this disaster and still people in the government still want to perform more offshore drilling. But, I believe, more than ever, that we can make changes if enough people rise up together. I hope that is the story I will get to tell my daughter, grandaughter, and maybe the story will trickle down to you. I hope that this is the time that not only did we step up to corporate abuse of power, but also reclaimed our power as citizens. I hope that we, at this time, end our addiction to fossil fuels and stop raping the Earth for her last bits of fuel. I hope this is the story that you eventually learn of my times.

Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandchild of mine, I wish you the best, which is why I am taking this all so seriously. It’s not just our relationship to fossil fuels that is our problem, its our entire relationship to power, and relationship to ourselves. We have not yet learned how interconnected we all are. Our society’s roots are in domination and separation and conquer, and these ideologies persist still. If the world and human race is to survive to you, I think we will need to learn that we are all One.

I hope you have had a better life already than mine has been so far. My parents were both abusive, and I had a difficult start. While I do hold them responsible, I also think they are products of a highly toxic culture, and I hope that the toxicity has been washed away long before your birth. I hope that humanity has a spiritual awakening soon, in my lifetime. I have spent much of my adult life healing, which I feel has given me perspectives on the great healing that needs to happen in the world. Just in the last few years (with the birth of my daughter Joy) have my healing efforts turned from inward to outward. Because we are all connected, I had to heal myself first. Because we are all connected, my healing does not end at myself. I am part of the larger world, and so I feel I must be part of the healing. It starts with reducing my own oil dependency and becoming more reliant on local networks for food and other needs. It also includes speaking out about the problems I see and singing out about the hope I feel.

By the time of your birth, I hope that humankind has long been peaceful and the Earth’s ecosystems have been restored. I hope that your life is free, peaceful, in balance with nature and all life, and full of love. So may it be, because after all, I am doing this for you!

Love,
Your great-great-great-great-great grandma!

p.s. I have included a picture of my sleeping daughter, Joy, your great-great-great-great grandmother. She is 2 years old at the time of this writing. I look at this picture, and I can imagine it’s of you. Children are born into this world with whole and shiny spirits. Joy gives me hope for living. She was born into difficult times, but has not been touched by them. She is still so connected with her spirit, that she is really an angel. All children are this way. As humans, it is not our nature to be destructive, that is a result of conditioning. It is our nature to be pure loving spirits. Even as adults, when we have lost our sense of connection to the divine, we are still pure and loving spirits, we just are disconnected from our source. May we all find our way back again! Love-Love!

Jun23

River Walking: Flow is My Answer to our Problems

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River Walking: Flow is My Answer to our Problems

In these troubling times, sometimes its hard to know how to function in the world and stay open and present. With the oil and methane continuing to gush into the Gulf, where it is mixed with toxic dispersants, and cover-up efforts being as extensive as clean-up efforts, it’s becoming clear how much power corporations really have in our country. This is as if Citizens United hadn’t already make this power distribution plenty clear already.

It’s easy to want to shut off and tune out. I have heard from many friends that they are in so much pain from the Gulf situation that they have turned off entirely. I can understand this perspective, even as I think it’s detrimental. People in the Gulf are surrounded by a lot of silence, some silence from those who are indifferent and some silence from people are in pain. When we show solidarity with the Gulf, we show people there that we care and that we understand we are all connected. What happens to a whale in the Gulf, or a fisherman, effects me. We are all connected, and if we can come into this awareness, we have a chance to work together to make this world the world we want.

On June 21st, Obama made a speech about the proposed climate bill. Click Here to See Speech. One thing from the speech really caught my attention: “Real change is only possible when ordinary Americans are willing to organize from the bottom up.” This is true. Although it sometimes seems like our government is owned by corporate interests, to some degree, we can influence the government by speaking out. Obama has said this before, as have past presidents. If we want our government to represent our interests, we need to be very vocal about what we want. It’s a start anyway.

So, how do we stay open and aware to the difficult situations in the Gulf (and other places) without becoming so cynical we close down and give up? That’s where I think spirituality comes in. Not spirituality as in religion, or dogma, that tells us what to believe, but spirituality in the sense of connecting with Spirit, the life force, our own internal divinity or wisdom. When we come into a sense of greater connection with everything, painful events can’t overpower us. When we can live with the flow of life, we can live with peace in our hearts at the same time that we are able to respond to the pain of others and speak out about abuses of power.

Here’s a metaphor I’d like to share with you about how to live open in this way:

When I was in college, I loved to go spend time at the Kinnikinnick River. I did a lot of hiking, but sometimes I also did what I called River Walking. Here’s a sample of that experience (written in present tense for immediacy):

Breathing in the fresh woodsy wet air, I push through foliage for a nice flat place to put my shoes. My breathing slows down and I feel peaceful as I listen to the river rushing, talking to me, soothing me. I set my shoes next to a distinctive tree (so that I remember where I left them), and I ease my feet into the icy cold water. The sun beats down on my head and my breath quickens as my feet get accustomed to the cold. I shift my weight onto my bare feet, listening to my feet. With my tender soles, I feel where the rocks are shifting or holding steady, I feel the rush of water and the cold creeps up my legs.

Carefully, listening to information from the skin of my feet, I creep towards the center of the river. My mind quiets as I discern whether rocks are steady enough to bear weight or not. Occasionally, a rock slips, and because I feel it as it happens, my weight shifts to the other foot and I continue to search for steady rocks. As I get closer to the center of the river, the water rises higher and higher until it is well above my knees. The water pushes against my legs, threatening to throw me off-balance, and I counter by slowing my breath even further and listen more deeply with my feet.

I exist in a state of balance as the water rushes against and past me. The top of my body is hot from the sun as my legs are getting numb from the cold. I can hear nothing but water rushing over rocks, and my thoughts dissipate to near silence. A cool, steady calm washes over my brain, washes over the anxiety I brought with me. Soon, I am aware of only the cold wet, the sound of water rushing, my tender feet on the rough rocks, the fresh air cleaning through my steady lungs, and the conscious choice to shift weight, test a rock, steady, shift weight, test a rock, steady… My life is this… this motion through the water, this union with the river, this motion, steady, testing, motion, steady…

After a little while, insights start pouring into my mind… answers to my life’s problems, clues to my internal puzzles, ideas about new directions to go. I can’t help but get excited as these new insights start pouring in, but when I try to hold onto anything, I lose my balance a bit. A rock doesn’t hold as steadily as I thought it would, and I scramble a bit on the slippery rocks to regain my balance.

The struggle floods me with adrenaline and clears my mind for a moment as I focus my energies on not being carried away by the rushing waters. Soon, I am centered and balanced again. I decide to let the insights come… and go. As insights flow into my brain, I let them arrive, and then let them go just as the flow of water flows past me.

Whenever I try to hold onto an idea, the experience repeats itself. It’s just as if I am trying to catch the water flowing past me instead of letting it flow by… the resistance created by holding on creates drag and I lose my balance. Eventually, I stay in a state of complete openness, letting information flow into me and back out again. I stay in a state of peace and balance as I walk my way upstream. I make an agreement with my subconscious that these ideas will come back to me later at a time I can use them. My conscious and subconscious mind work like this, together, with ease.

Eventually, I turn around and head back downstream to where my shoes are. By the time I climb onshore, I feel cleansed through and through, as my spirit and mind feel clear and light. In walking with the river, I became one with the river and the insights that flowed through my mind enriched me even when I didn’t hold onto anything.

This is a way to move through life, not just rushing water. I chose to try to stay open, let life flow through me without resistance. In this way, I can stay open to the problems, solutions, joy and pain of life without getting carried away. Flow is my answer.

Jun20

My Gifts

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My Gifts

Here, the day before the Solstice, I am in a mental place of perspective, as if I am sitting atop a mountain, looking backwards and forward at my life. I have come through many challenges, and if I am to accomplish what I want to accomplish in the next 6 months, year, 2 years, I feel like I need to re-organize my perspective, take assessment of my gifts and shortcomings, re-connect with my dreams and visions, and chart a course of action. I’m going to share at least a little bit of this process with you, because to me this is a blog about process. I have every intention of becoming the visionary sage I have always known myself to really be, and I hope that by sharing my process of unfolding, perhaps I can offer clues about the roadmap to becomming.

In my interview with Joe Rinehart (which will air on my radio show this next week), we talk about the cycles that all systems go through. One of the stages is reorganization, which is what it sounds like. For anything to succeed in the long term, though cycles of waning and waxing, it must be open to new ideas and the possibility of reformatting the ideas already in place. This fits in with Pagan concepts of the life-death-life cycle. What is no longer working falls away, and the new is reborn. The work continues…

So, I’m starting with gifts. What are the gifts and skills that I offer in my work?

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I am a synthesizer and a connector. I am great at seeing how very different organizations, people and concepts fit together and synergize with each other

I am a systems thinker. I see everything as patterns, often even as visual shapes, and I can see ways to blend these patterns together to not only synergize the strengths, but reinforce weak points. I have a particular skill for understanding how the structural aspects of any system impacts its functioning in the world.

I am articulate. If I give myself enough time, I can articulate almost any complex or intuitive subject in a way that sheds light on the inherent truth. For this reason, I enjoy writing this blog, and enjoy any situation where I can provide commentary on complex subjects. Also, I am very good at writing difficult or complicated letters, and I am very good at writing prayers and blessings.

I have extensive experience in change. Because of a very difficult childhood (with adversity coming from nearly every direction), I entered adulthood with very intense mental health issues. I spent my 20′s healing and performing heavy cognitive restructuring. Because of this intense work, I am well-versed in the challenges of creating internal change, and because of my ability to see patterns and synthesize ideas, I have a lot of good ideas about how to transfer my cognitive restructuring skills to paradigm shifting in the larger culture.

I am intensely curious about the world, and am always interested in learning more about how things work, and what ideas for change are already out there.

I am not afraid of the dark, and I am good at holding space. I have the ability to stay very open even in the face of witnessing intense pain of others. This means, I can handle approaching very difficult subjects, without becoming either callous or depressed. I am good at being a grounding force in situations that are stressful for other people. I can shed light on dark subjects without getting sucked into the difficulty myself.

I am connected with Deeper Wisdom. I can, almost at will, drop into alternate states of perception, and connect with my own deeper wisdom, as well as the wisdom of the planet.

I know lots of cool people. I have a knack for meeting and connecting with people who are doing amazing work in the world, and who are really neat people.

I have audio and video skills. Before having Joy, I worked at a PBS station creating 6-7 minute stories about interesting people, places and organizations. I have the technical skills to tell stories well.

I am good at inspiring people who work for me. When I am in a leadership position, I inspire my team easily, and I am good at coordinating the work of a team in a flow of effort that is smooth and supportive of every team member.

I work extremely hard. I give my work everything I have. I have very strong dedication to the work that I do, and I am also very physically strong.

I strive for mastery.

I am creative, and good at coming up with new ideas and alternatives to existing ideas. I am very good at problem-solving (and sometimes suspect I am addicted to problem-solving, because I seem to always create problems to solve in my personal life).

I love public speaking, especially extemporaneous. I love being in front of a crowd, large or small.

I have a very good sense of group dynamics and discussion flow. In groups where I am a leader, I am good at addressing the issues. I am good at coming up with ideas for group agreements that could solve communication difficulties.

In groups where I am not the leader, I am good at supporting the person(s) who is. I am good at active listening, and asking questions that will help clarify the issue at hand. Also, I’m good at sensing the hidden needs of the group, and sometimes can be a voice for this.

I am good at speaking my personal emotional issues in ways that other people can identify with them and work through their own issues. In group situations where there is emotional processing, I am good at leading by example.

I have a very strong eye for detail, and I am good at seeing tiny adjustments that can fix things or make them better. I can process lots of tiny details at one time, which makes me extremely good at the polish stage of video or audio editing. I don’t get overwhelmed by large quantities of tiny details.

I always strive to live my ideals. I am very much an idealist, and am always striving to live up to my values.
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There may be others, but this is what I can think of right now. If you know me pretty well, what do you think of this list? Accurate? Complete? Missing something?

Whether or not you know me at all, do you have a list like this of your own? What are your gifts you offer to the world? I invite you to write a list for yourself. If you feel called, please post it here. I’d love to see YOUR list!

Feb25

Fate and Free Will (and a Great Radio Show)

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Fate and Free Will (and a Great Radio Show)

Recently, on the Diana’s Grove Mystery School on-line discussion forum, someone asked about the paradox of believing in both faith and free will. Below is my personal answer.

I do believe, as Rob Breszny states, “The Universe is conspiring to shower me with blessings.” Right now, I’m especially feeling that way because things in my life are really coming into fruition. I’m starting a new radio show on the local Low-Power FM station, and I am sort of feeling like everything in my life has led me to this moment.

The show is called “Systemic Effect” and is about the current conciousness shift, changing of the ages, and people who are riding the front wave of it and doing the work. Although this is a volunteer producer position, Ive decided (or been called?) to dream big for it. My goal is for it to become a nationally syndicated radio program by a year from now. I feel like it could really happen, too. I have the necessary skills, I know lots of people who are in some unique way dedicated to the shift, i have an ever-solidifying vision of the structure of the big shift, and I think a lot of people would be very excited to access the information and ideas of this show.

I am suddenly very clear that this is my life’s work at this time, and that everything before this is leading to this work, and everything after this will in some way benefit or stem from this work.

A lot of my current life situations are due to my following some very intense guidance I have been getting. Moving to Asheville is the biggest example. I felt so called to come here even thoigh it seemed crazy to make such a big move with a toddler and I did not have the resources to do this transition smoothly. As a result, I have had the *opportunity* to confront and release my deepest fears. It has been a hard road, and yet through it all I have managed to stay true to my deepest core values. Even through intense poverty, I have been a great mom. My daughter, Joy, has continued to have a great life, and I have remained true to myself even through crushing doubt. As a result, I am stronger in myself than ever, and I am now living in a great town that is the perfect launching place for my life’s work. See, it is all coming together!

Regarding free will, I fully believe that fate is an infinitely flexible thing. I think it is possible to refuse the lessons we came into our lives to learn. The result is that our lives then repeat the same lessons over and over until we get it and can move on to the next thing. Once we learn to listen to and follow our deepest passions and guidance, we are able to break our patterns and live as co-creators with the Universe. That’s how I see it, anyway.

One of the beauties of the approach at Diana’s Grove is the leadership approach of “leading people to their own discoveries.” I like this because no one but me can actually know or discover what my real lessons are. From the outside, many of my recent actions may have seemed self-destructive, but only I could have known how trully I have been following destiny’s call. Because DG is a community where no one preaches to me and tells me what my path is, I am able to really listen deeply to what my own heart knows. I am so grateful for the love and encouragement I get here.

So, I believe in fate and free will as both real and seperate, yet symbiotically interrelated. Anyone else? How do you see these forces at work in your life?

Feb11

Unconventional Health

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Unconventional Health

Health has been very much on my mind lately. Last week, Joy got thrush and this week we have a doctor appointment where I know her tooth decay will be mentioned again in the context of suggesting I stop night nursing.

I chose to treat the thrush with homeopathy, diet change and probiotics instead of going to her doctor to get anti-fungals. This was a hard decision for me, but one I felt and still feel very strongly about. So many Western Medicine treatments only throw the body further off-balance, creating more and more future health problems. I would like to avoid this chain reaction, so I abstained from the easier way of doing things. We changed our entire diet in one day and pursued unconventional treatments in the face of intense skepticism. In the process, I had to learn more about standing in my own truth. Difficult, but a valuable learning experience.

Now, Joy seems to have recovered fully from her thrush, but we have the trickier issue of her teeth. Interestingly, too many refined carbs is a culprit in both of these issues, hence the diet change is so important.

I’ve been doing a lot of research this week and found that science backs me up in my belief that breastmilk does not cause tooth decay. In fact, it has healthy bacteria which fight tooth decay. Cow milk would have the same makeup except for the pasteurization process.

Turns out, many factors go into tooth decay. Diet, bacteria, genetics, and in kid’s teeth, gestation. One thing that can cause tooth decay like this is stress during pregnancy (and boy was I stressed), or illness (I had a wicked flu second trimester).

The good news is that we might be able to stop the decay. Diet change is huge, and we are doing that. Homeopathy can help, and we are doing that too. Probiotics, ditto. Interesting that the treatments are the same for both these issues. That falls in line with the concept in Natural Medicine that an illness is just one symptom of the bodies overall imbalance, and that multiple illnesses can be treated by the same single method because it treats the core imbalance.

There are other methods which I plan discussing with the dentist when we see him in a little over a week, icludong essential oils and also more conventional treatments (like sealants). The sad thing is, this whole “nighttime breastfeeding is bad” mantra is not only untrue, it also distracts from other types of problem solving. I think I’ve found a dentist who is a little more savvy, and hopefully he can help me navigate these waters.

It’s really interesting to me how false ideas about health, bearing little substantive evidence, enter the mainstream and become conventionally considered fact.

Take flouridated water. While flouride can help teeth, it is also a very dangerous chemical. It’s put into our water but it actually has not been proven to benefit our oral or overall health when taken this way. Actually, it’s a toxin, considered slightly more toxic than lead, and yet is used in much greater quantities than lead is safe at. Flouride overdose has been linked to many cancers and other illnesses including Alzheimers. Why do we put it in our drinking water?

How about lice treatment? Remember getting lice in kindergarten, and having to use that awful shampoo? The toxic chemical smell, the burn on your skin. Did you know that olive oil kills lice even more effectively than that crap? Load your hair with olive oil, don a shower cap, and let it sit for an hour. All the lice and nits will be dead!

In my opinion, a lot of this comes down to greed and corruption again. People want to make money, so they invent ridiculous crap and then convince the public we need it. I’ve heard the whole Flouride thing was an industrial cover-up by industries that didn’t want to have to pay legal consequences of their actions, as they were facing numerous lawsuits for health damages done to people downstream of plants that were dumping Flouride. Instead, they created a giant spin campaign to convince the public that Flouride in drinking water is good. Then, instead of spending money to dispose of toxic waste, they get paid money to dump it into the drinking water. Messed up, huh? I don’t know if this story is true or not, but if you know, please tell me! Makes me want to buy a reverse-osmosis water filtering system, but they run about $300!

Alas, it’s so much effort and money to stay ahead of all the toxic crap being shoved at us, and so hard and scary to defy convention in pursuit of healthier healing. Push those edges too far, and get treated like a freak. Avoid pushing, and become complicit in your own pharmaceuticalized (sure, its a word) destruction. It’s oh, so easy to fall for the lines. It’s so easy to not see the harm. I know. I get hypnotized by it sometimes, too. But, I continue to fight this toxic culture. Because it’s who I am and what I am here for.

Feb7

Normalcy, Schmormalcy

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Normalcy, Schmormalcy

Yesterday, for several hours, I regressed back to being a person who believes in the conventional paradigm, that tired old shared dream. What a trip! I learned a lot! I’m not sure why I clung to normalcy for as long as I did, but I’m deeply grateful I’m off that path now (more and more each day). Man, normalcy is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live…oh wait, it’s not even really that great to visit. :) Glad to be back! Smoooooooooch!!!!