I have been striving for a while to reach a point of forgiveness towards both of my parents. Forgiveness isn’t about thinking or saying or acting like what somebody did is okay, condoning their actions, but it is about letting go of the anger, hurt etc around what happened. The energy of those old woulds doesn’t hurt the people who did the hurtful thing, it hurts the person carrying the old, stale emotions. So, because I have gotten tired of carrying the weight, I have been working towards becoming ready to forgive both my mom and dad, and others who hurt me when I was a child. I have done so much healing work in my life, but a few old energies remain which I am ready to release.

Today, for an Evolver Asheville event, we did a meditation at the Warrior’s Cairn near the VA Medical Center in Asheville. It was a touching event, Geri Littlejohn played flute, and the energy was very deep. We had the opportunity to place stones within the Ciarn to honor veterans, and I felt called to place a stone for Dad. He is a Vietnam veteran.

As I was holding the stone and sending a blessing into it, I suddenly felt ready to let go! To let go of that hurt and anger. To stop carrying his actions around with me in my life. I was ready to honor him by laying down this stone for him, and honor myself by letting go of the heavy burden. I spoke to the group, and shared that this stone was for my father, a Vietnam vet. I said that I honored him for being a veteran. I said that our relationship was too broken to ever be healed, but that I was ready to forgive him, to let go of the anger and hurt, and send him all my love. As I spoke, my voice broke, but not from the sadness of events long past, but from the relief of finally letting go. I set the stone down, and I felt the weight release in my heart. Geri played another song, a deeper one, and I felt the energy in my body recalibrate, in the depth, adjusting to the release. I felt deep love for him, for myself, for my daughter who would not be hurt by him, for the circle of people standing present, and for the land underneath us, witnessing our honoring ritual. A sense of fear that had shadowed me my entire life dissolved into the wind, and I felt a sense of my own power for the first time without also feeling fear of owning it. Usually, when I have moments of feeling this kind of calm, there is also an underlying nervousness that the calm will soon fade again, but this time it felt more stable, permanent.

I also felt the ripples of this healing extend to the other veterans honored within that Cairn, not just today but since it was built last year. I felt healing ripples extend to these veteran’s families, whose lives may have been touched by the violence of war, even indirectly. I felt forgiveness for other veterans who carry violence from our wars in their hearts and sow that violence upon those they love. I touched a deeper sadness that wars continue all over the world, and I think I touched just a bit of that with the healing energies I sent out.

As long as we live in a culture that does violence on a large scale, we will do violence in our homes. As long as we live in a culture of exploitation, war and cruelty, our children will not all be safe. How can we love each other deeply enough to heal the sadness of what has been done, heal deeply enough that we can truly change our patterns? I’m not saying Dad’s actions were okay. It’s never okay to hurt a child. But, I do forgive him, and I also see that behaviors like his are inevitable in a culture so infatuated with violence and domination. Can we heal ourselves now, and let go of the pain? Can we wake up, and all together end the violence in our world?

I am doing it, starting with my own heart.