Monthly Archives: February 2010

How Far I’ve Come

How Far I’ve Come

Wow.

Looking into the blog archives, three entries in particular catch my attention:

February 28, 2009: I decided to try to think more positively

March 12, 2009: I declared an end to mourning.

January 6, 2010: i described cracking open and releasing my belief in being cursed.

February 11th, 2010: I described akibg radical steps towards greater health, including homeopathy

February 25th, 2010: I described having a vision of all my life’s work coming together into this radio project.

These are all significant events that tell a story abiut my enlivening process. A few amazing facts not mentioned previously:

- I no longer feel cursed. In fact, I believe that my luck has totally turned around.
- I am feeling better than I ever have. So much so that I halved my antidepressant from 100mg to 50mg and didnt even feel the difference. Within a month or two, I hope to drop it entirely. This change, i believe, is a combination of all the healing and spiritual work I’ve done, energy attunements from Linda White Dove, homeopathy, and the beginnings of my energy integration with the land in this region.
-I am the now possibly the most positive person I know, despite all the recent challenges
-I am no longer afraid
-I can see clearly the path ahead
-I am ready for all the good life has to offer

Basically, what I am saying, is that I am now whole! Of course, life is always still about learning and growing, but i am whole! My past is no longer shaping my current life, or my future. I am no longer held back by past emotional traumas or fear of more trauma. I have become the person I have always known I really was, and it feels really nice! I have arrived!

Reconceptualizing War

Reconceptualizing War

Here is a great article I invite you to read and ponder. You will have to cut and paste the URL because i can’t hyperlink from my phone.

http://www.opendemocracy.net/5050/mary-kaldor/reconceptualising-war

This way of looking at war, or even political conflict, makes a lot of sense to me. It’s about brokering power, not trying to win. By going to war with an “outside” force, you garner support and power from your own people. Sure, people suffer and even sometimes die, but power is worth the cost, right?

A point that I especially like in here is the idea that peace cannot be attained by trying to appease the so-called grievances of the warring leaders. These excuses for war are created and manipulated in order to establish a sense of “us vs them” mentality which keeps rulers in power. Instead, the article suggests, focus on the everyday people. Instead of engaging in the artificial ideological arguments, take care of human needs and cultural infrastructure and economies. Make it possible for regular people to meet their basic needs (clean water, food, shelter, health care).

It’s an interesting theory. It resonates within me although I can’t really say I know for sure if it is true or not (particularily the offered solution). I do agree that “spin” is one of the most powerful forces in shaping human events. Whoever controls the flow of information has the power to control everything.

These are some of the reasons I’m so fascinated by the nature of reality, or rather, interested in how perceptions of the nature of reality are shaped. The media has so much power in this realm, which is why I am so interested in mefia reform, media literacy education and even creating media myself.

I don’t buy the messages of “us and them” any more than I buy the illusion that we are all on our seperated, isolated journeys. We are all connected, and what happens to one person effects all people. If we can get past our fears of “other,” of “them” and see that they are *us,* we can bypass these stupid power games and reclaim our world!

Fate and Free Will (and a Great Radio Show)

Fate and Free Will (and a Great Radio Show)

Recently, on the Diana’s Grove Mystery School on-line discussion forum, someone asked about the paradox of believing in both faith and free will. Below is my personal answer.

I do believe, as Rob Breszny states, “The Universe is conspiring to shower me with blessings.” Right now, I’m especially feeling that way because things in my life are really coming into fruition. I’m starting a new radio show on the local Low-Power FM station, and I am sort of feeling like everything in my life has led me to this moment.

The show is called “Systemic Effect” and is about the current conciousness shift, changing of the ages, and people who are riding the front wave of it and doing the work. Although this is a volunteer producer position, Ive decided (or been called?) to dream big for it. My goal is for it to become a nationally syndicated radio program by a year from now. I feel like it could really happen, too. I have the necessary skills, I know lots of people who are in some unique way dedicated to the shift, i have an ever-solidifying vision of the structure of the big shift, and I think a lot of people would be very excited to access the information and ideas of this show.

I am suddenly very clear that this is my life’s work at this time, and that everything before this is leading to this work, and everything after this will in some way benefit or stem from this work.

A lot of my current life situations are due to my following some very intense guidance I have been getting. Moving to Asheville is the biggest example. I felt so called to come here even thoigh it seemed crazy to make such a big move with a toddler and I did not have the resources to do this transition smoothly. As a result, I have had the *opportunity* to confront and release my deepest fears. It has been a hard road, and yet through it all I have managed to stay true to my deepest core values. Even through intense poverty, I have been a great mom. My daughter, Joy, has continued to have a great life, and I have remained true to myself even through crushing doubt. As a result, I am stronger in myself than ever, and I am now living in a great town that is the perfect launching place for my life’s work. See, it is all coming together!

Regarding free will, I fully believe that fate is an infinitely flexible thing. I think it is possible to refuse the lessons we came into our lives to learn. The result is that our lives then repeat the same lessons over and over until we get it and can move on to the next thing. Once we learn to listen to and follow our deepest passions and guidance, we are able to break our patterns and live as co-creators with the Universe. That’s how I see it, anyway.

One of the beauties of the approach at Diana’s Grove is the leadership approach of “leading people to their own discoveries.” I like this because no one but me can actually know or discover what my real lessons are. From the outside, many of my recent actions may have seemed self-destructive, but only I could have known how trully I have been following destiny’s call. Because DG is a community where no one preaches to me and tells me what my path is, I am able to really listen deeply to what my own heart knows. I am so grateful for the love and encouragement I get here.

So, I believe in fate and free will as both real and seperate, yet symbiotically interrelated. Anyone else? How do you see these forces at work in your life?

Poem: I shimmer hope of perfect illusions

Poem: I shimmer hope of perfect illusions

Stuck long in your foggy, dreary
hope, I clung to
perfect false visions.
Dancing circles
I shimmered lightly into cloudy
spheres breaking translucent
where mirror faces long forgotten
floated in shadows too bright
to call home.
I waited by the bed for your boots
O lover.
They never come.
It has been too far.
I have dreaded this since
the eerie beginning.
Swaying endlessly in a hopeless circle
I waited. I hoped.
Now the end is upon me once again
I await
slow sunrise answers,
doom has faded from the stars.
I shimmer hope spun of
perfect illusions,
new eyes
rustle and like mushrooms
spread their musky seeds.
Hope beams solid at me
once more or
perhaps for the first time.
I am dreaming you into stillness.
The silence parts words
into meanings too diffuse to wait for
or watch.
I struggle with letting go.
Dreams spun of marigold feathers
twirl and descend. The dance
shatters,
finally,
and within it, I find myself,
whole,
shimmering darkness
and
rainbows of infinite light.
Wound’s firey touch first
branded holes
through tough skin,
cutting all the finely spun secret lies of
ethereal dreadfulness.
I have you to thank.
Hope’s promise no longer inflates
dream castles of unbridled misery.
I am myself once more,
maybe for the first time,
no illusions.
I am grateful for love’s broken promise.
I dream mournful peaceful dreams
waiting not for enchanted misery.
Life’s courting soundly knocks
heart weighted with soft memories
your skin still feels so near
I dream myself awake
and answer.

I Am Ready

I Am Ready

I am ready to have a working vehicle.
I am ready to have abundant wealth.
I am ready to feel like I am at home.
I am ready to enjoy my life.
I am ready to live fully in community.
I am ready to live with an open heart.
I am ready to have creative time.
I am ready to become a public figure.
I am ready to contribute my peace.
I am ready to contribute my piece.
I am ready to live healthy.
I am ready to be whole.
I am ready to fully live my values.
I am ready to value my needs.
I am ready to have romance.
I am ready for a stable and exciting life.
I am ready to do this!!!
I am ready to find my niche, my place.
I am ready to begin my new life.
I am ready to really live!!!

Unconventional Health

Unconventional Health

Health has been very much on my mind lately. Last week, Joy got thrush and this week we have a doctor appointment where I know her tooth decay will be mentioned again in the context of suggesting I stop night nursing.

I chose to treat the thrush with homeopathy, diet change and probiotics instead of going to her doctor to get anti-fungals. This was a hard decision for me, but one I felt and still feel very strongly about. So many Western Medicine treatments only throw the body further off-balance, creating more and more future health problems. I would like to avoid this chain reaction, so I abstained from the easier way of doing things. We changed our entire diet in one day and pursued unconventional treatments in the face of intense skepticism. In the process, I had to learn more about standing in my own truth. Difficult, but a valuable learning experience.

Now, Joy seems to have recovered fully from her thrush, but we have the trickier issue of her teeth. Interestingly, too many refined carbs is a culprit in both of these issues, hence the diet change is so important.

I’ve been doing a lot of research this week and found that science backs me up in my belief that breastmilk does not cause tooth decay. In fact, it has healthy bacteria which fight tooth decay. Cow milk would have the same makeup except for the pasteurization process.

Turns out, many factors go into tooth decay. Diet, bacteria, genetics, and in kid’s teeth, gestation. One thing that can cause tooth decay like this is stress during pregnancy (and boy was I stressed), or illness (I had a wicked flu second trimester).

The good news is that we might be able to stop the decay. Diet change is huge, and we are doing that. Homeopathy can help, and we are doing that too. Probiotics, ditto. Interesting that the treatments are the same for both these issues. That falls in line with the concept in Natural Medicine that an illness is just one symptom of the bodies overall imbalance, and that multiple illnesses can be treated by the same single method because it treats the core imbalance.

There are other methods which I plan discussing with the dentist when we see him in a little over a week, icludong essential oils and also more conventional treatments (like sealants). The sad thing is, this whole “nighttime breastfeeding is bad” mantra is not only untrue, it also distracts from other types of problem solving. I think I’ve found a dentist who is a little more savvy, and hopefully he can help me navigate these waters.

It’s really interesting to me how false ideas about health, bearing little substantive evidence, enter the mainstream and become conventionally considered fact.

Take flouridated water. While flouride can help teeth, it is also a very dangerous chemical. It’s put into our water but it actually has not been proven to benefit our oral or overall health when taken this way. Actually, it’s a toxin, considered slightly more toxic than lead, and yet is used in much greater quantities than lead is safe at. Flouride overdose has been linked to many cancers and other illnesses including Alzheimers. Why do we put it in our drinking water?

How about lice treatment? Remember getting lice in kindergarten, and having to use that awful shampoo? The toxic chemical smell, the burn on your skin. Did you know that olive oil kills lice even more effectively than that crap? Load your hair with olive oil, don a shower cap, and let it sit for an hour. All the lice and nits will be dead!

In my opinion, a lot of this comes down to greed and corruption again. People want to make money, so they invent ridiculous crap and then convince the public we need it. I’ve heard the whole Flouride thing was an industrial cover-up by industries that didn’t want to have to pay legal consequences of their actions, as they were facing numerous lawsuits for health damages done to people downstream of plants that were dumping Flouride. Instead, they created a giant spin campaign to convince the public that Flouride in drinking water is good. Then, instead of spending money to dispose of toxic waste, they get paid money to dump it into the drinking water. Messed up, huh? I don’t know if this story is true or not, but if you know, please tell me! Makes me want to buy a reverse-osmosis water filtering system, but they run about $300!

Alas, it’s so much effort and money to stay ahead of all the toxic crap being shoved at us, and so hard and scary to defy convention in pursuit of healthier healing. Push those edges too far, and get treated like a freak. Avoid pushing, and become complicit in your own pharmaceuticalized (sure, its a word) destruction. It’s oh, so easy to fall for the lines. It’s so easy to not see the harm. I know. I get hypnotized by it sometimes, too. But, I continue to fight this toxic culture. Because it’s who I am and what I am here for.

Normalcy, Schmormalcy

Normalcy, Schmormalcy

Yesterday, for several hours, I regressed back to being a person who believes in the conventional paradigm, that tired old shared dream. What a trip! I learned a lot! I’m not sure why I clung to normalcy for as long as I did, but I’m deeply grateful I’m off that path now (more and more each day). Man, normalcy is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live…oh wait, it’s not even really that great to visit. :) Glad to be back! Smoooooooooch!!!!

Connection

Connection

Had another vision today…

It’s really all about connection. Connection with other people, to start with.

If we can really connect with other people, witness their lives instead of hiding in our own bubbles, we will be able to make this a world that’s good for all of us instead of just some of us.

I urge you: don’t look away! Suffering sucks (duh), but if it can be witnessed with compassion, there is hope. By facing the darkness in ourselves and in the world, and staying present, we have the real power to transform.

Also, it’s not just darkness that is being under-witnessed. So is the light. It makes people uncomfortable to witness intense spiritual energy. We turn away, turn off.

I am at an amazing point in my Spiritual transformation right now, and I am wishing for that to be witnessed. A lot of intense and beautiful things are flowing through me right now, and it’s so incredible that I want to share it, but I’m not sure it’s translating clearly.

Connection ties into this, too. I’ve noticed before, when reading other people’s written experiences ( of darkness OR transcendance), it’s really easy to only read at a surface level, and not realize some of the depths of what’s being communicated. As I see it, this is another flaw of the shared dream. Words seldom break through. Meaning is lost, especially if the reader has read similar sounding words before. It takes a lot of skill to write in such a way that actually captures even a fraction of the intensity of a spiritual revelation. I do hope to achieve that level someday.

In the meantime, I invite you to consider opening up the range of human experience you are able to witness while staying present in yourself. Being seen and heard is a powerful experience, I urge you to consider offering this experience to someone today.

These Things We Don’t Speak

These Things We Don’t Speak

Two insights I just had:
We are closer than we think!
Those in power don’t speak it but they are afraid.

The American dream is a dream of success within the current system. Dreams of celebrity status, riches, mansions, private jets, access to all the right places… all these dreams are a product of and reinforceent of the status quo.

We believe we can make our own lives work, within the system. We believe that the system itself cannot change, at least not much.. Politicians will lie, greedy corporations will rule, our lives will (if we are lucky) hold together and even improve, by the sweat on our brow and our pure hard effort. Other people may be suffering, but we can’t worry about everything, right. Corruption fills the world, but that’s just the way it is.

That’s just the way it is…

Is it?

Maybe the very thing we do have the power to do is break, penetrate, defy the system.

It is really adaptable (like co-opting cool stuff to make money), but change is inevitable.

It is already falling apart–banks are being exposed for what they are, alternative medicine is becoming commonplace, childbirth is being reclaimed for women, alternative media are sprouting up everywhere in the forms of LP radio, blogs, etc.

The fabric of the shared dream is being shredded, the only thing keeping it together is the illusion of normality, and the idea that the powerful cannot be brought down. The illusion of our powerlessness and hopelessness is being perpetuated by the powerful who hope and pray we don’t find a way through the veil.

To break through, we have got to tell it like it is. Our real experiences. And our most intense unlikely and unrealistic dreams. Let go of all shame, fear of being weird, outcast, ugly, too real, failures and be our real selves. Each person who is real rips down a much bigger chunk of the curtain than themselves.

There is a phrase about addiction–the elephant in the room. Everyone sees it, but nobody wants to acknowledge it, even as bodies press closer to the wall, toes are crushed and the air is getting thin. Let’s talk about the elephant. Let’s talk about our real lives, and our biggest dreams!

There are so many things to say. They all matter. What is your piece? Say something!!!!!!

(please start right now…right here…in my comments section)