I’m in Minnesota now. Spent a day and a half with my brother Dave and his wife, Heather. We had a nice time. It was good seeing them and I’m glad Joy got to meet her aunt and uncle!

I’m now staying with my friend Jessica from college. Jessica and I did our Senior show together, with another friend, Paul.

The last time I saw Jess was fall of ’05, when I last visited this area. It’s funny, even though it’s been so long, I feel like our friendship still flows pretty naturally. I’m trying to convince her to join me on my journey, or at least come to Asheville. Don’t know if I’ll convince her, but if I do, it’d be so cool!

The last few days, I’ve been feeling a little insecure about everything I’m doing. I could list the possible things that might have caused the tidal wave of self-doubt, but there’s no point, being I feel better now. I did get to vent about some of these feelings, and that helped a lot. I’m re-excited about my journey, and I’m super-excited to be in this area, visiting so many friends and family!

Interestingly, mythology helped me get a little perspective. I got to talk to Mark today, who helped me frame my life in the hero’s journey. He also managed to explain Joseph Campbell’s Heto’s Journey in a way that makes more sense to me. Yay! That’s been coming for a long time! I am feeling a little fresh hope for my screenplay!

I’ll keep y’all posted on my further journeying! I hope to have good tales to tell!

I invite you to check out this link: thefarm.org/permaculture

Lately, permaculture, sustainable living, intentional communities and ecovillages have become my obsession. The Farm, in Tennessee, embodies and teaches all that, plus midwifery, something I’m also a little obsessed with at a distance (in that I’m very interested but not currently pursuing).

So, check out this link. I admit I don’t understand the bottom article, but I really love the “principles of permaculture” section. It just makes so much sense! And, I feel like this is the “theory of everything” that I’ve been searching for my whole life! I’m so excited! These principles apply to so much more than just agriculture! Some of these principles I have observed in many areas of my life. Some of these, I was already thinking about using in my book (memoir/self-help), although now, it’ll be memoir/self-help/permaculture/maybe even activist!!

Don’t worry, if I do this, I’ll site properly and do good research! I’m not talking plagiarism, I’m talking a synthesis of ideas that involves proper notation!

And here I was thinking ” oh, here Virginia goes, finding yet another unrelated obsession to go along with the others!”. But, no, it is really all interrelated!”

Now, hopefully I can get a little sleep tonight!

Tonight, Joy and I got as far as Tomah, Wisconsin, where we are spending the night at a local motel. That’s right, motel with an “m.” It’s not too bad, actually, pretty clean and all (I can be a bit of a hotel snob, having worked at one, but I decided to be open-minded today). The bed’s a bit over-firm, but sometimes you even get that in spendier hotels. For some reason, cheap motels in really small towns tend to be nicer than some hotels in bigger towns. To be safe, I checked out a room before committing, but the rooms are reasonable.

I’m a day behind my original schedule because of some unexpected car repairs, but the adventure continues. I’m grateful I was in a town where I knew a great mechanic! He felt confident I wouldn’t see any other problems anytime soon, which would be good!

It felt amazing entering Wisconsin! Different areas have different energies, and I’ve always felt much more comfortable with Wisconsin’s energy than Illinois.

This trip really is a travel through time. Visiting CU peeled off one layer of time, and going through Wisconsin is peeling another. I am visiting the past, but suddenly I don’t even remember what I’m looking for. Before the trip began, I remember feeling like I was looking for something, but now I can’t remember what it was!

Oh, yes, a sense of a cohesive past, affirmation of my current life journey, and a roadmap into the future. Easy enough, right? That’s not asking much is it? Ha!

This trip has been a real mixture of pure bliss and intense trepidation. When I really manage to live in the moment, it is heaven. Sometimes, though, I just feel a lot of doubt about everything. Plus, I’ll be honest, I miss having a solid home. But, I can honestly say I’m having an adventure!

Here’s a great technique for personal growth and healing…

When some external thing in my life triggers some internal sensitivity, I lean into the discomfort just a little. The trick is to let myself feel the discomfort while neither hiding from it or acting out from it. It’s so uncomfortable to just sit with the feeling. I get all antsy and my skin prickles. If I don’t watch what I’m doing, it’s easy to let this discomfort become anger, because anger is an easy but unhelpful way to disperse the energy surge. The transformation into anger for me starts with blame. I judge my discomfort as being a bad thing, and then I blame myself or someone else for my experience.

If I can sit in this discomfort without judging it as bad, just experiencing it, then first it increases. It gets worse. My skin prickles more, my heart rate accellerates, my muscles itch. It feels unbearable, and I want to do something, anything, to relieve the pressure.

Eventually, the energy and discomfort peak. If I have stayed with the sensations, then after the peak, all that energy begins to integrate into my body in a new way. I begin to reach a whole new level of self-awareness, and I become more present in my body. I begin to realize a deeper sense of calm and well-being than I have ever experienced before. Insights bubble up and well-being washes through me. It’s sensational.

Each time I do this successfully with a trigger issue, I am changed profoundly. I learn new ways to navigate in the world, and I reach a new level of wholeness. It’s pretty cool!

Hung out at the park today with my friend Brandi. She and I have been close friends for a long time. I’ve
missed her a lot this last year, and it was nice hanging out today. I’m going to miss her even more when I go to Asheville. There’s a lot of people I’m going to miss, including people I have already been missing..

I have this ongoing fantasy of buying a big stretch of property and building on it. I’d figure out not only how to build Green, but also using permaculture techniques.

I’d build a big, giant house (or a series of houses), and I’d have all my friends come live with me. We’d each have our own private pseudo-apartments, but we’d share common areas including a huge kitchen and dining room. Doesn’t that sound nice? I think about it all the time. Someday, maybe I can do it!

Today, Joy and I arrived in Champaign, IL. We will stay here until Thursday of next week. We are staying with Trish, a lovely friend of mine who I originally met through my older brother. It is nice hanging out with her. It’s interesting that I’m now discovering more in common with her than I knew I even had. Perhaps that’s odd timing, but I do believe there is a beautiful if inexplicable pattern forming right now in my life!

I lived in CU for 3 years, from college graduation almost all the way to Joy’s birth. Here, I worked at WILL (the PBS station) and learned lots of cool video production stuff. I also met Brian, as well as many other friends.

CU is a lot greener than Chicago, with lots of trees and grass, but it’s still not nature-y enough for me. It’s not my home any more than Chicago is. I think I’m really going to enjoy this trip, though! I’m going to have a good time seeing old friends and hopefully enjoying the outdoors as well.

Have you ever known something, just KNOWN it in your bones and blood? With my whole body, I know that I am on the right path, that this trip is where I need to be, and that my home is waiting.

Home… What a sweet word! I’ve been looking so long, and I’m so ready! Finally, somewhere right for my Spirit. Illinois has great qualities, but I have never really belonged here. I love that in this journey I am taking, I can revisit my past, see where it led me. Before I leap into the rest of my life, I can revisit where I’ve been. Hopefully, this is not only a journey of letting go, but also a quest to find that which still has a place in my life. Friends, interests, even aspects of my personality.

Maybe it’s like the process I just went through with all of my stuff… I’m sifting through my old self, hunting for forgotten treasures, recycling anything I don’t use anymore. Pretty cool journey to take, huh? I get glimses of the path ahead, but even when my vision clouds, I’m learning to be comfortable in the not-knowing.

Uffda! Retrograde Mercury sure can bring a lot of challenges! Bungled communication, failed planning and computer meltdowns! Everything gets 3x more complicated during these phases, and sometimes it can be infuriating.

We are currently in a retrograde that’s from May 4th to May 30th. You’d think that would be a bad time for a big adventuring journey, right? Yes and no.

I have defintely been having all the standard problems. I’ve still been trying to get some odds and ends errands done, as well as a load of computer stuff. A ridiculous amount of stuff keeps going wrong. I am really needing to work to keep my aggravation under control.

On the other hand, Retrogrades are a perfect time to revisit the past, which I am doing in all my travels. It is a great time to discard emotional and physical junk, which I have done and am doing. It’s a great opportunity to learn greater organizational skills, and communication skills. Basically, it’s the perfect chance to consolidate my life, my goals and dreams. In that sense, although the hassle factor has been very high, I think I am acting with perfect timing and in accordance with my life’s vision!

This is really a multi-faceted journey I am on right now. So much is changing so fast, although strangely, sometimes I feel like I’m not moving at all. I think that means I’m gliding, soaring!

When I was packing up all my stuff, one thing I tried to save was music. I filled 6-7 big DVD spindles with music CD’s and just a few movies and software discs.

A lot of the music was from Brian’s collection, stuff he chose not to take with him when he visited last (I’m guessing he has most of it on his computer anyway). When I was sorting all his stuff, I’d take CD’s out of their cases for more compact storage.

While I’m in Aurora, I figured I’d put a lot of that music on my phone. But, because of a very slow computer, I’ve only had time to put a little music on.

My first priority was music that would help Joy fall asleep in the car. That’s me being a thoughtful nomadic mom! After that, I put music I don’t know well, like The Clash. In the spirit of adventurism, I figured I’d fuel this voyage with new-to-me songs. Eventually, once I have a little more computer access, I’ll revisit music I’ve known and loved for years.

My current favorite artist is Joni Laurence, favorite song, “Anything.”
Earlier this month, my favorite song was “If you want to sing out, sing out” by Cat Stevens. It’ll be interesting to see where I go next on this musical journey!

…call me what you will!

Wiki says that the word “vagabond” was pretty much exclusively a negative term until the 19th century, when it became associated with Bohemianism. Look up “Bohemianism” on wiki, and you’ll see it associated with all kinds of interesting counter-culture movements. I gotta say, I do like me some counter-culture!

My current lifestyle is both freeing and a bit frustrating. It can be frustrating because when my daily routines (such as how I deal with Joy’s dirty diapers) get disrupted, everything becomes more work. However, at least in the short term, I am enjoying nomadisism! I like not having any super-concrete plans. And, it feels really good to step outside of cultural expectations. It feels good to realize that I am not bound by what anyone expects of me, and it’s not so scary to do my own thing!

Here is what’s going on: I successfully vacated my old apartment, and left it in great shape. I donated, gifted, sold or recycled away nearly everything I owned. I only kept what I could fit in my van. Now, I am wandering. I spent 1 1/2 weeks at Kari’s old place. I am currently spending a week with Brian’s parents. After that, I plan to visit Madison, maybe Minneapolis and River Falls, maybe Missouri, certainly Champaign-Urbana. I will revisit Chicago to hold a birthday party for Joy (date and location as yet unannounced), then I will leave the Midwest. There are a few details still in the air which are slowing down the planning process, but I do know for sure Joy and I will always have a place to stay, so I’m not worried about that. My only concern is how Joy is going to feel going place to place. She’s handling it well so far, but both places she has stayed are familiar, so I’m worried about new places being overwhelming. The soonest we will likely leave for NC is May 31st. The latest will be June 15th (leaving a little more time for party planning).

After we leave the Midwest, we may go to Earthaven, an ecovillage intentional community in North Carolina. I may do an internship there to learn about permaculture and sustainable living. I think it’d be a lot of fun and allow me to save money as well. I think it would be a great way to continue our adventure!

I’ll keep you posted as my journey unfolds! Thanks for all the encouragement to update my blog!