Monthly Archives: March 2009

Adventure in Activism: Springfield

Adventure in Activism: Springfield

Sorry about the delay in telling you about our adventure on Tuesday! I’ve been experiencing technical difficulties. But, I will delay no longer…

On 9:35 Tuesday morning, Kari, Frida, Joy and I took the Amtrak train to Springfield. On the way there, we met a very nice lobbyist named Jonathon. I had never met a lobbyist before, so didn’t know what to expect. He works on environmental protection stuff, and DSFS reform. He knew of our bill, and we chatted a bit about the legislative process. It was interesting. He has a voice just like Les Schulte from WILL, and a very polished demeanor. Shiny, in fact.

We arrived at 12:50 and each went to go eat lunch. Kari had lunch with a relative of hers, I had lunch with Brian Crowdson, a great guy out of Springfield that I have worked with on several occasions.

Once I got back to the capitol building, I found our group. It was a very nice group of people, including a lot of Amish folk. We were encouraged to go talk to our representatives. Mine was in session, but I left a message with her secretary. Note-in an earlier post, I listed the name of my representative incorrectly. My representative’s name is, in fact, Toni Berrios, who is very supportive of the bill. I did thank her, though, for her support.

Our hearing was at 4pm. Right before the hearing began, the group’s lobbyist, Dan, gave us a “pep” talk. He said if this didn’t go forward today, it was dead. If it didn’t succeed today, it was done. He used the word “armageddon.”

We filed into the room. I knew two of the people who testified for the bill: Dr. Minkus, Joy’s pediatrician and Mary Sommers, the woman who taught my childbirth education class. After the bill was presented, they and a few others fielded a lot of questions, some intelligent and some not. The hearing lasted two hours. Two hours, in a hot, crowded room. There were around 100 people (Kari counted) in a medium-sized room, and many people were standing.

I had never been to a hearing before, and was amazed at how well the proponents of the bill defended it. They were concise and brilliant. Dr. Minkus in particular, was masterful. I liked him before, but even more so now. He had a special way of commanding attention and saying exactly the right thing at exactly the right moment.

I was certain the bill would pass, even though it was clear that some on the committee had reservations. Some committee members brought up personal stories about births gone bad, stories of family members who had trouble in labor. All of the stories were about hospital births, and they were worried that a midwife wouldn’t be able to handle the same situation in a home setting. One story in particular was interesting to me:

The representative asked about what a midwife in a home birth would do if a baby was born with an kidney on the outside of it’s body. He said it happened to his son, and 4-5 doctors crowded in the room to help. They agonized over where to cut the cord, then they packed the cord in gauze, and transported to a different hospital. He asked, “what would you do in a home birth if this happened? You wouldn’t have 4 or 5 doctors to help you.”

Mary Sommers replied (I’m summarizing her response), “A midwife would do the same thing your doctors did. Cut the cord (in any place, actually), keep it wet and lubricated, and transport to a hospital. You don’t need 4 or 5 doctors to do that process. One person can do it.” She went on to explain that in most cases, you would have already detected from ultrasounds, that this problem had developed, and then you wouldn’t have done a home birth in the first place.

There were many questions similar to this. In each case, Mary or Dr. Minkus or someone would have a concise, perfect answer. As I watched the committee’s faces, I felt like they were impacted by the arguments they were hearing.

I felt the crowd respond along with me. I had spent a few hours with these folks, and felt some familiarity, a closeness. We rolled our eyes together at stupid questions, and rejoiced together at well-constructed answers. Later, Kari and I got a chance to talk to lobbyist Jonathon (who came in to watch the proceedings), and he said it was the best hearing he had seen in years. It seemed really, really solid.

So, when the vote came in 4 in favor, 8 against, it was difficult for me to believe. As we poured out the double doors, I noticed that almost everyone was crying. I watched an old Amish woman, a tiny baby in her arms, shake as she wept. I felt shaken and displaced.

About 20 minutes after that, Dan the lobbyist regrouped many of us to do a post-mortem. He took back what he had said earlier about armaggeddon, and the bill dying. He said that it would have died except that we did move some committe members. He saw the same thing I did, that their faces registered a shift in opinion, even if they didn’t vote in favor. He began to outline ways he thought the bill could push forward (including getting more doctors and constituants to support it). At that point Joy got fussy, so we left for the night. I was relieved to end it on an image of hope and strategy, instead of a crying Amish woman (who I will never forget).

Even though we did not claim victory, I’m still glad I went. I learned a lot about the legislative process, I got my activist feet wet, I met my first lobbyist, and I had an adventure. It was sad, but hope did not die. It was a worthwhile journey!

My Delusions keep me Sane

My Delusions keep me Sane

Sound strange, yes? Yet, its so true.

My whole life, I’ve always had a soul-deep, unshakable belief that someday, I would be rich. Not kind of rich, not moderately rich, but ridiculously rich. This belief so permeated me that I found myself free to explore lots of things that don’t tend to make one rich: spirituality, creativity, healing, and 6 1/2 years of college for an art degree. After college, I worked at a PBS station to develop technical skills in video, which I thought would be very helpful to my filmmaking career. It was a great job, I had a lot of fun and learned a ton, but yet, because it was PBS, and I wasn’t even a real full-time employee, it did not make me rich. More like the opposite. But, I was so certain about this belief (delusion, perhaps), that I would be rich someday, that I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to get my career going, even if it meant temporary poverty.

Pregnancy shook me up a little bit on this belief. Because, I really thought the agreement was that once I had a family, I would be poor no longer. That was the deal. The deal hasn’t been broken yet. I am not rolling in money, but I am able to stay at home with my baby, right?! That counts for a lot.

I feel “THe Universe” has about another month or so to come through on this whole richness thing, or it’s probably really about time I give it up. I am planning on moving to Asheville, NC in April (more about that soon!) and I was looking online yesterday at places to live. I can’t quite afford my own place, I think. I may have to rent a room or something like that. Not ideal, unless I find the perfect person (okay, thinking positive thoughts!). I looked on craigslist for roommates wanted, and saw some promising ads. While I was at it (because after all, I might be delusional), I looked at some upper-end Real Estate. Like this beautiful piece of property, 96 acres of woods and streams and waterfalls, just short of 2 million dollars. Sounds like it’s worth every penny! Sold! (er, wait…)

What’s really tricky about his whole delusion bit is how it ties into my spirituality. See, although I’ve always had this belief I’m gonna be rich, I have also felt it was reinforced by, how shall I say, spiritual forces with which I am aligned (yeah, that sounds nicely vague!). Anyhow, I believed them, and now that the curtain is about to come up, I’m wondering if these “spiritual forces” really exist. GASP!!! That makes me sound a little agnostic, if not atheist! What shall I think of an idea like this?

A few years ago, the idea that everything I believed in was imaginary would have put me over the edge. My beliefs were the only thing that kept me hanging on. That’s something I got from my mom. Mom always told me that everything would work out for me in the end. She said that because I had had such a tough life, I would be rewarded with a great life later on. I believed this and really worked it into my beliefs. I turned to my own personal faith whenever things got rough, and it got me through a lot.

So, if these “spiritual forces” don’t exist, then did I make them up? Did I tell myself I was receiving messages from the divine in order to placate myself? Maybe. Or maybe I am divine, and the voices just came from inside me. Maybe it’s both.

I guess, I am working on more than one question:

Have I been getting real messages from the divine, or is it purely psychological delusion?
If it is from the divine, is there an outer divine, an inner divine, or both?
Is some of what I believe true, or is it all false?

Surprisingly, this time around, I’m not feeling crushed by asking these questions, which I think is a sign of growth (no matter what answers I end up receiving). And, another positive thing: If I hadn’t had the beliefs I had, I wouldn’t have made the decisions I did. Although I haven’t made a lot of great money-making decisions, I have made a lot of decisions that were great for my creativity, and my spirit. That is maybe more important than anything else. Perhaps, I wasn’t willing to own my values as my own, so I projected them onto divinity, but because of doing this, I went the right direction anyway. My belief that money would be taken care of later on down the road was a stabilizing force in my life that allowed me to make riskier decisions that allowed me to become more whole. That’s a good thing, short term and long term!

So, as I search for and find my answers, I have to figure out the next direction for my life. I don’t want to be delusional anymore (although I’m willing to forgive myself for having been delusional, if I was). I do want to value creativity, spirit, and connection. I also want to make money so that I can live a comfortable life. Maybe, I’ve come to the point in my life where I am ready to do just that. : )