I am, most decidedly, a person of principles. I stick to my ideals, even when it seems moronic, and I hold by what I believe to be true, no matter the consequences.

Take for example, my situation right now. I am being evicted because I got a cat. Now, upfront that may not seem like a bold and decisive and integrity-ridden type of thing to do, but here’s how I see it… first of all, I thought it was okay for me to get a cat. I remember a conversation with my landlord where he said so. Apparently he changed his mind and/or forgot this conversation. At any rate, I violated the lease. He found out (because I wasn’t keeping it a secret) and told me I had to get rid of the cat or be out in 10 days, or he would evict me.

I could have gotten rid of the cat. Many people advised me to. It would have saved me a lot of grief. I could have stayed here. Or, there were places I ended up finding that were very nice but no cats allowed. But, I had already committed to the life of this little kitten (name: Moxa, for the healing sticks of Mugwort used in Chinese Medicine), and she was already part of our home. As is, she had been abandoned once already, and I wasn’t willing to do it to her again. Also, we had all already bonded, and both Joy and I would have been heartbroken to see her go.

Unfortunately, I was not able to find an apartment within the 10 days (partly, I think, because future landlords were wary about the threatened eviction), so I went to court. That sucked. I not only lost, I lost big time. I need to be out by the 23rd. Thankfully, an apartment application I submitted later that day was accepted, partly because my current landlord gave a glowing recommendation for me, and talked on and on about what a great renter I am (except for the cat situation, of course). I do always pay my rent on time, and I take good care of where I live. This adherence to these principles is probably what is saving my ass (although my ass was in danger because adherence to principles).

So many times in my life, I have risked my own well-being because of principles. And, as smug as I think I sound right now, I’m not saying that this is necessarily right. Because, often, there is a choice between different principles. I seem to always pick the ones that are not conducive to financial security, although I can see how creating financial security for my family is a mighty fine principle too.

When Joy was born, I had the choice to be a stay-at-home mom or to pay my credit card payments. That’s where the finances stood. Guess what I chose. It is hurting me in the long run, but weighed against a critical period of childhood development, I’m still glad I made the choice I did. Joy is a more secure child for it, I believe.

That is not to say that money is bad. In fact, money is pretty much necessary for most people in Western Culture for survival. Shelter, good food, safety, these things can be bought by money and contribute to happiness. I know that I need to learn to value prosperity more, especially because being poor is stressful and detracts from the rest of what I am doing.

Some people might feel I am sharing too much in this post. I heartily disagree with this imaginary argument. One of the principles I hold most dear is that it’s better to be out in the open about life’s troubles. Shame is a tool of oppression. If we feel shame about our problems, about ourselves, we hide our problems away. When we hide our problems away, we don’t see how other people share these problems, and that we really are all connected. Above all, I believe in connection. Once we, as a species, can realize our interconnectedness, we will be free. We will stop behaving so badly to each other and to the planet.

Other people might shame me for my poor money decisions. I’ve been called things from “self-destructive” to a “fuck-up.” Of course, these comments hurt, but I don’t really believe these things about me. I don’t believe that the financial system is equitable or well-made, and I have a hard time understanding how to work within it because I think it is an extremely faulty system. For example, modern capitalism as we know it is based on a constant state of expansion. Once things stop expanding, they fall apart. As we run out of new resources to exploit, we face financial disaster. I think it’s possible to create financial systems that don’t work like this, and can maintain balance without constant growth, but that’s not what we have. I don’t feel any aliegence towards the current financial system, because I don’t see a lot of good in it.

I think this whole money issue is a lot of what keeps people chained to the “system.” Because basic survival is tied to living this unnatural life, it’s hard to be critical of it or give it basic scrutiny. Some people, in growing their own food, etc, are learning to live outside of the system successfully, and I admire that a lot. I remember a talk with my grandmother where she mentioned that she thought folks should go back to growing and preserving their own food and instead of working so much, make time for family. I couldn’t agree more, then or now. What’s sad in this day and age is that it takes money to do THAT too! I don’t have land. I have a small container garden outside my apartment, and it will go sit on the small deck of my new apartment. I don’t have any raw earth to my name, no plot of land to grow things. I need money for this. Sadly, there’s not any good-paying work in Asheville right now that I can find, that could move me towards a goal of home-ownership someday. So, I could move to another city, but Asheville is where I belong. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. This is where my work is. Ideals over practicality again. And, if I work at a $10/hour job, at least half will go to childcare, and I also won’t have any money to do any of the projects I’m so dedicated to right now. Piddly-paying work hardly seems worth the cost, and yet that’s the level of “survival” many people live at.

Sometimes this principles thing is a little hairy. Actually, its probably a trickier way to live life. But, someday, I’m going to die. Hopefully that’s a long way away, but it will happen someday for certain. I would rather look back and know that I lived a principled life, rather than a life of compromises and regrets.

What do you think? Where do you stand on this continuum? Or is there another way of looking at all this? Have you figured out how to live enough within the economic system that you can prosper without giving up on your principles?